I Wasn’t Careful With my Words and This is What Happened
Words are like spent arrows

Not again! You’d think I’d learn, I guess I didn’t.
It started out innocently. I convinced myself my thoughts were important and that what I had to say was worth sharing. That it might help her.
Sometimes I’ll ask someone if I can share my thoughts. But sometimes, I don’t wait for their answer. This was one of those days.
People can get hurt. In fact, I wasn’t careful with my words and this is what happened.
Our thoughts
God gave us minds. Organs that allow us to think and process information. Complex organs able to process tons of information in a relatively short amount of time.
We have thousands of thoughts that run through our minds every minute. More than we can imagine, even with our wonderful minds.
But sometimes we seem to engage our mouths, or in this day and age, our fingers without using our minds. Oh, sometimes we get little nudges, questioning if what we are about to send is something that we should send.
But we can also silence those thoughts. We can rationalize, we can justify. After all, we’re trying to help, aren’t we? At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Criticism
I remember it so well. The seven of us would sit around the table devouring some great meal our mother spent hours making.
Seriously, she cooked so well. But no matter what she placed before our dad, it wasn’t enough.
Not enough salt, not enough seasoning, never enough.
So even though she was a great cook, she never got the accolades other than the fact we’d almost lick our plates clean.

Encouragement
I grew up without many positive words. But we can still choose not to follow big footsteps.
Even though I didn’t hear the encouraging words, I learned I could still say them.
I remember hearing my aunt share encouraging words about her kids and I remember what my mom said.
“She’s gonna be sorry she’s saying all those good things about her kids. They are gonna be conceited.”
Those words helped me understand why we didn’t hear praise. In her own way, our mom thought she was helping keep our heads just the right size.
Still, when I got married, and had my own children, I decided I would encourage them. And I knew what to say, the things I wished I had heard.
We learn so much from our parents. What to model and what not to emulate.
I’ve been told I’m an encouraging person and believe me, that feels good. But there’s this other side of me that makes an appearance. I can spot the smallest thing. And if I stopped there, it would be okay, but somehow, I feel it’s my responsibility to share it. And that’s where I make my mistakes.
Words hurt
I gave feedback to someone. Someone I really admire. Someone who has one of the softest hearts and desires to help others in significant ways. My words hurt her.
Here’s what I’m learning about when I hurt others:
I don’t know what someone else is going through.
I don’t have the right to share opinions that are not requested.
No one made me an authority.
In my case, this person had been through a rough week. She had been criticized by others. She had felt like a punching bag. This was all information I didn’t have, but couldn’t this be true about anyone we share with?
There is a little quiz I’ve heard, you can ask yourself before you engage your mouth or keyboard.
3 Questions
Ask:
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
I know there are other questions we could ask, but I’ll stop there. I already failed.
Sometimes we’ll share things that are true but not kind. That‘s’ judgment.
Sometimes we’ll share things that are kind, but not true. That’s flattery.
But when we share things that are unnecessary, those are opinions.
And some opinions are better left unsaid.

Grace
I’m so fortunate. When I realized I hurt this person, I apologized.
First, I tacked it on the message and glibly said, “If what I wrote hurt you, I’m sorry.”
That was NOT an apology.
And after reflecting on it. I felt compelled to really apologize. And I knew, there was a chance she wouldn’t accept it. A good chance.
Still, I had to take it.
What happened? She gave me grace. I was so relieved. I was so thankful.
I wish I could tell you that this is the first time I’ve ever hurt someone, but it’s not. And yet, I was fortunate this time. She forgave me.
Words are like arrows, you can’t get them back once spoken.
Grace is something people can extend when they don’t have to. I am so thankful she gave me grace.
What I’ve learned… I mean, what I’m learning
I need to be careful with my words.
I need to wait till someone wants an opinion.
I need to pray before speaking
And if others hurt me, I need to be gracious. Communication is not what we think it is. It’s a two-way street.
What we say is not necessarily what another person hears. Until we know the message we want received IS received, we are not communicating, we’re just jabbering.
Writing versus talking
I know we live in a world where we let our fingers do the talking. But sometimes we need our voices, because without them, our intent is lost.
I know, I know, we have these little emoticons. But they are a poor excuse for our own facial expressions, or at least, our tone of voice, not present in our messages. I miss talking.
Now, when you make a call, it’s perceived as urgent. I mean, you called. I just miss talking. So much is lost in our less-than-perfect translations.
And sometimes we let our fingers fly, without thinking through things.
I’ll tell you something though. I’m going to think a little longer before I hit send. And sometimes, I’ll use the delete key, instead.
How about you?
Have you regretted something you said or wrote to someone?
Were you able to make things right?
I’d love to hear from you.
Life is hard. I write words to make it softer.
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