What 3 Years Of Holding A Grudge Did To Me
Each and every one of us should forgive all who transgress us. Not only will your life improve ten folds, but you can start living anew without pain and grudges. If you want to enjoy life to the fullest, then you have no choice, but to let go. It still doesn’t mean you should accept nor forget their sins.
Forgiveness and its cousin are mentioned about 127 times in the Bible. However, today’s lesson isn’t about how to forgive based on the Bible or any other Holy Books. Neither will this lesson cover forgiveness about oneself. This lesson covers forgiveness based on those who have wronged us and how even the deepest scars can be healed.
I) Forgiveness, The Way To Salvation
September 4, 2011. I’ll never forget such a day. It was the first time that I was on my own. Long story short. I drove from Atlanta, Georgia to Tampa, Florida back to Atlanta, Georgia then to Miami, Florida all within the same week. (Wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, I was only 19 years old!)
As I arrived to Miami, the first word that came to mind was “indescribable.” This was the second time I had went down to Miami, but this time it was going to be for a while.
What I had initially thought was my new home and life became my new nightmare.
The very thing I was running away from, had followed me unknowingly like the itch on your back that you can’t ever get.
In the first 3 years of residing in Miami; I had lost more friends and money than the other 18 years of my life. My best friends, as I had thought, took every single advantage of me knowing that I was working with my uncle. We all worked at a nail supply store.
To get to the point. There were 3 guys who worked with me. Every day they stole money and merchandise from my uncle’s store. My uncle treated them like family.
I loaned them a pretty decent amount of money in the form of cash. Two of them stole directly from my backpack and in my house. (We were roommates) This was about 70% of my life savings. Eventually, my uncle and I found out they were stealing, and I never got a single dollar that I loaned them.
This devastated me for at least 3 years. I didn’t understand, anything. I was only 19 years old, and so were they. We slept in the same house, worked in the same job, and treated each other like a family. Was this how the first chapter of my new life began?
Hatred, hatred for every Cuban, Puerto Rican, and Vietnamese person on this earth was the only thing on my mind. That was their ethnicity. I even took one of them to court and won! Well, I won nothing and lost so much time. Pure evil and wicked thoughts race through my mind every single waking moment. I wanted to murder and enforce suffering in the most painful and agonizing way possible to them. Of course, I couldn’t do anything because that would mean life in prison for me.
So for 3 years, I hated myself, them, life, Miami, my job, and everything that this Universe had to offer. I was such a nice guy — a carefree spirit that just wanted to treat everyone with respect, love, and dignity. Life was just blooming, and this is the first thing that I had experienced? What the hell did I do to deserve this? Not only did I lose a crap ton of money but 3 years of such hard, intense labor.
The solution. Exhaustion; I couldn’t stand to live another day of holding this grudge inside of me. Since then the Internet became my best friend and mentor. I poured hours and hours reading on every article and website about life, forgiveness, self-improvement, how to live a better life, etc. Then, I finally found the answer.
Life gets better after you forgive.
Ok. So I tried it. I forgave everyone and everything. 3 years of holding that negative energy was draining my very life force, literally! All thoughts, actions, and memories that were causing me to suffer were banished from existence. As the months past, I could feel something changing inside and outside of me, surely but slowly.
The sins of others shall no more weigh me down nor destroy the one life that I possess.
Many others had it worse than me, and billions live in poverty and misery each day. I was living in one of the greatest countries that is filled with infinite opportunity and riches.
Altering my mindset was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever accomplished, however, given my circumstance, I really didn’t have much of a choice. Either change and hope for a better start or continue living in hell, right here on earth.
Why was I born? Who put me here? Why do evil people and wickedness exist? These questions that used to haunt my dreams for decades had now become the rest of the waste that I flushed down the toilet. Why, who, what, when, where, and how? I don’t care about any of that.
If it doesn’t benefit me, then be gone! No one and nothing, not even The Maker himself could stand in my way.
Today, today is the day that I will forge my own destiny, do as I pleased, and live this one life that I was given to the fullest. Enjoy every single moment that it has to offer because the only thing I fear in this life is not death, no, death is the least of my worries.
What I fear the most in this life and Universe is REGRET!
I will not live nor die with any regrets. And neither should you. Let go of your past. Forgive all those you wronged you because, to be honest. Right now, they are controlling your very life and emotions. Whether you believe it or not, want it or not; that is exactly what is happening. Just, let go.
II) Only Let Significant Things Matter
Why are humans are so nosy? I too was guilty of this act — no shame in that. The answer has to do with feelings. Curiosity, too.
You see, the average human life is boring, dull, and lifeless. Look around you, your neighbors, or even your own family from another state or country. How fascinating and exquisite is their life? 9/10 of us would say not much. I’m adopted, so I have many families, immediate and not. 9/10 of my family members have normal lives.
Humans can not fly, use telepathy, see through walls, lift cars, and so forth. So to make our lives more interesting, we need to fill in certain voids. And what better way than to be a noisy and curious George!
Radios were huge back then. They criticized that television was the most useless thing. Today the average person watches over 5 hours of TV, daily. CNN and FOX News are worth multi-billions of dollars. Google it if you don’t believe me. It’s nonstop garbage and ranting all day long.
My point here is that we let things, anything get the best of us. If your meal was served cold instead of hot, you get lite, and all hell breaks loose. If the wifi becomes slow, (this does irritate the living daylights out of me) we get annoyed. When it’s too cold or too hot, we start to complain.
It’s not bad since most of these things are natural and can’t be controlled. The issues lies directly in with the quantity though. Every single day, something bothers us whether it is big or small.
When you don’t forgive someone or something; it is like having many small irritating things occur on a daily basis.
This adds up, and over time becomes this massive, (insert your personal cuss word) that rips you from the inside out.
Even if you have a perfect life, live financially free, have the greatest family and friends, and so on; it still doesn’t mean squat if you have something bottled up inside of you, or let the little things affect you.
Take your top 5 or even the 500 most annoying things in your life and banish them to the realm of no return. Whenever those things/thoughts arise again, give no attention, and brush it off. Nothing happened and your day is still going fine as it should.
Easy, right? Now try this for as long as you can. 1 year, 10 years, even a lifetime! You will see life in a whole new spectrum. This took me many years to learn. I only wished I knew this earlier.
Imagine enjoying a meal with your partner, and suddenly that grudge feeling comes up. The next moment you’re making love, and that same grudge feeling comes up again. It always ruins the moment. This is exactly what happened to me.
Because I couldn’t and did not want to forgive those people, these hatred and vengeful thoughts kept spontaneously arising. They were literally ruining my life to the very core!
Negativity attracts more negativity.
Not only did I have hatred and wicked thoughts toward those who wronged me but I was engulfed in the negative aura every waking moment. I became the very thing I vowed to destroy.
The Universe is LITERALLY infinite. Earth is INSIGNIFICANT compare to the Universe. We are the universe, and those little insignificant things(s) is the Earth. Prioritize things that matter the most, your purpose. Don’t let little matter/things stir you off course or affect your moment. Live every moment fulfilled and to the absolute fullest.
III) Set Yourself Free
Just a moment ago, I was talking about grudges and how they consumed my everything. If one keeps these things bottled up inside, then where do you think they will go?
Most likely to the head, the center of the mind. You can’t enjoy life to the fullest, or even enjoy life at all for a matter of fact if vengeance and hatred consume your mind, can you? Maybe if you’re evil but I’m sure you aren’t.
So, negativity breeds more negativity. As each passing day slips by, more and more negative thoughts enter and dwell inside your body. Eventually, you’re going to explode. You will do something that will end up in regret, and possibly even cost you your life, or you can to release this energy and let go.
Anger, when one is angry what is the natural response? Usually screaming, cussing, or hitting something. Perfect! It’s a great solution to release that. Studies show that releasing anger can make one feel better instead of holding in. You become a ticking time bomb.
Let me ask you a question. I love asking questions. Would you rather have 1,000 bad moments scattered throughout your life or one colossal bad moment happen at any given moment?
You do realize that it only takes one big bad moment to ruin or end your whole life.
Let’s rephrase the question and make it more delightful. Would you rather have 1,000 pleasurable moments or one huge happy moment that could change your life for the better? In this case, most would say 1,000 pleasurable moments. I mean, who really wants to wait for one big life-changing moment if it even comes?
Do you get the point I’m trying to show? If you don’t let go of your hatred or unforgiving desires, you will be consumed in its misery, and it may one day cost you your very life and happiness.
How hard is it to let go of something you love? Hard times 10,000. The same principle can be applied to forgiveness. This is the one time where telling you has more meaning than showing you.
Release, just release all that hatred, grudge, and negativity from those that wronged you. Be void and empty like a newborn baby. Now, fill your body, heart, and mind with love, positivity, joy, and renew yourself.
It sounds 1,000 times easier said than done, but, if someone like ME could do it, then you better believe the fudge you can too. Believe me, at one point I was the most negativity, self, and world hating, miserable, and the most pathetic being to ever walked this earth.
Today I could conquer Olympus if I really had the desires. How many years has this grudge controlled you? 1 year? 10 years? For me, it was 3 years. 3 years of nothing but pure pain, misery, and a wasted life.
However, I forgave all those who transgressed against me and when I did; joy, love, appreciation, and all these good emotions and feelings poured into my body. “INDESCRIBABLE” was the feeling that I felt.
Hatred, misery, wickedness, evil, pain, etc. these feeling were NOTHING compared to the good feelings I mentioned early. Once again, I was in control of my life and living life to the fullest. The past doesn’t define me — the present shapes who I am, however, the future is what I will become based on my present actions.
So, the story here is; if you let your past control you, your present will be nothing but misery and pain, and the future you will be manifested by that of which you let the past and present make of you.
VI) Grudges Haunt Your Dreams
What was the grandest dream you had as a child growing up? Being an actor was mine, and to this day, I still would like to be one! Will forgiving someone or something enable you to reach your dreams?
You sure bet it does! At least, for me it does. How? Before, my only desire and purpose in life was to payback those who wronged me. ” Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The Bible is one of the greatest self-help and personal growth book that has ever existed. So many secrets and hidden life teachings can be learned reading the Bible.
My purpose was to get back at those that caused me pain. In the same exact manner or worse. The thought of murdering them slowly and painfully gave me a little bit of pleasure. Wishing death or hoping they would get into an accident also gave me some reassurance. As you can see, I was a very disturbed young adult.
Dreams? What dreams? The only thing that matter to me was getting my money back, my time from all the wasted efforts, or inflict extreme pain to whoever left deep scars in my heart. 3 years, I let life fly by and lived in self-pity and misery.
The only good thing I got out of this was the years. 3 years wasn’t long. I’m glad it wasn’t for 10 years or maybe even 100 years. Was my dreams and purpose in life more important than hating on those that inflicted pain towards me? By at least an infinite time; finally, after more than 1,000 days and nights, I’ve come to realize that they (the transgressors) were holding me back from achieving my ultimate life calling.
I was so clouded and ruined by the thought of redemption that I never gave care to my very own happiness or life.
3 years was enough to start a business. Learn a new language. Become a best selling author. Meet and marry the love of my life. BUT no, I was so selfish and idiotic that I couldn’t see the joy and love around me. How could I? Dark clouds and poisonous air blinded my sight and thoughts.
Your dreams and life’s calling; how important are they to you? If they are not the biggest, baddest, and the number one priority in your life, then back to first grade you go. I’m telling you from self-experience, or did you want scientific research done over a 5 year period with 10,000 participants as evidence? Well, too bad. I can’t give you the latter.
Work towards your dreams. Eat, sleep, think, and pour your life into achieving your purpose and goals. Have nothing but the absolute and fiercest desire to make you dreams a reality, and let nothing, not even The Maker himself halt your progress. Then, later, tell me how this compares to the feeling of holding your grudge and misery. After all, you become the very thing that you aspire to be.
V) Forgiveness Isn’t Acceptance
Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that their actions were justified. Killing, rape, torture, thief, and the likes can be forgiven, but they can never be accepted in any society nor justified in any way, no matter how you put it.
You can ask the 40–70 million slaves today and the other millions of sex slaves to see if rape and torture can be forgiven AND accepted? Forgiven, yes, but accepted, absolutely not! Some things cannot be erased from memory.
No matter how many tattoos you have or shirts you wear, a scar will remain there forever.
We can choose to let it affect us or live with it and move on. No, I have never forgotten the sins of those who wronged me because if I did, this article wouldn’t exist? No sins should be accepted nor forgotten, only forgiven.
When you forgive, it means that you do not let those past actions control you anymore. Nowhere does forgotten, or acceptance has anything to do with forgiveness. Do let evil and wickedness have their ways.
As they say, the only way for evil to prevail is if good men (women) do nothing about it.
Unfortunately, scars are permanent. They are a reminder to us every day that pain is a part of life, but that should be it; nothing more, nothing less. Scars are meant to make us stronger, better, learn from the past, and shape us for a better tomorrow. Not to remind us daily of the sins and agony that it has caused and how a part of our lives has been ruined by it.
If you are always making enemies, then you will always have to cover your own ass. But, if you make your enemy your friend, then you have someone who was trying to get your ass is now covering it for you. It is always better to make friends than enemies. Be optimistic, always. It is an infinite time better than being pessimistic.
Always better yourself, and leave a big mark when you are gone, not a scar!
