Why You Should Keep a Notebook With Your Children
A Treasure Trove of Memories and A Bond Like No Other.
When my daughter was first born, it was just me and her, and our bond was, and still is, undeniable.
Though I married my husband when she was eighteen months old, I could always tell there was a disconnect between my daughter and my now husband.
From a young age, my daughter was well aware that it was me and her, but suddenly, this guy was hanging around, and she couldn’t quite figure it out.
She felt a sense of “this man is taking up my time with my mom.”
Say what you will; toddlers are not dumb, and I believe they are more intuitive than you may realize.
When we first married, my husband was thrown into many situations, including trying his best to be a father to my daughter.
It didn’t help that my mom felt like he was taking away her only daughter and granddaughter as well, which resulted in a lot of conflicting emotions for my daughter at such a young age.
Because my daughter had such a strong bond with my mother, and unknowingly, my mother can sometimes be quite manipulative (especially back then), coupled with her dislike of my husband, put a strain on my daughter.
My husband and I tried to make my daughter comfortable with this new situation and form a bond between them. Unfortunately, it has been a constant struggle throughout our married life and my daughter’s upbringing.
With the constant strain on my daughter's and husband's relationship, I was determined to keep our mother-daughter bond solid.
I would go to any length to let her know she’s still my baby and I’m here for her no matter what.
Around the age of five, she started asking questions about her biological father, and I could tell she felt a void in her life.
One day, I was walking through T.J. Maxx when an idea came to mind. I decided to buy a notebook to share with my daughter.
I ended up walking out of the store with a cute, bright pink spiral-bound notebook that read,
“It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” — Marilyn Monroe
I took it home and immediately wrote a note inside:
“To my dearest (daughter),
I know that this may not seem all that special at this point in your life, but I hope that one day, you will come to treasure this just as much as I do.
I want to share my life with you—my past, my present, and my hopes for the future. I love you so much more than you know, and I will always be your mom above everything else.
My hope with this journal is that we can love one another and share parts of ourselves.
So, once a month, once a week, or every night, whenever you feel like sharing, take this journal and write something down.
Tell me anything that comes to mind, and then place it under my pillow for me to read. I will return the favor and put it back under your pillow for you to read.
I want you to know that whatever you say here is for our eyes only. I will never share your words with anyone else, and Daddy will not see them unless you want him to.
I am so excited about this next chapter of our lives that we are about to enter. I love you so much.
Love Always,
Mommy”
My hope in not sharing with my husband was that she would feel free to ask any questions she had about her biological father without the fear of letting my husband down or upsetting him.
Her biological father has never seen her, even to this day, and from a young age, she felt a sense of abandonment.
After I wrote the note, I went to my daughter, gifted her the notebook, and explained what I had just written in it for her. I wanted her to know that it was just for us.
Throughout the years, the notebook has come and gone. It’s not something we do regularly, but I treasure it with all my being.
I stumbled upon it the other day and wrote another note to my daughter, who returned the favor.
She is seventeen, and I know we won’t have many more nights of finding the notebook under our pillows. Just thinking about it, I have to fight back tears.
For us, the notebook encouraged conversation. It contained everything she wanted to say, but she felt she couldn’t because my husband was around or because she was too shy to say it out loud.
It encouraged her to be open and vulnerable with me.
Reading back through some of her passages, I see that it was a way for her to have a healthy outlet for self-expression.
She shared her dreams, friendships, crushes, and aspirations with me.
She drew pictures, which allowed me to capture precious moments and memories that otherwise wouldn’t have been captured or would most likely be forgotten.
It’s a treasure trove of shared experiences.
As I flip through the pages, I’m filled with nostalgia.
I’d like to think our shared notebook also helped aid her writing and language skills. Since we started at such a young age, it allowed her to practice her handwriting, spelling, and grammar without the pressures of school.
We also used the notebook to reflect on emotions, actions, and experiences.
Sometimes, it was used as a teaching moment and a way to promote self-awareness in my daughter to help her understand her thoughts and feelings better.
If you are struggling with communication with your children or need something extra in your relationship, no matter their age, I urge you to start a journal for just the two of you.
Keeping a notebook with your children is a simple yet powerful practice that can have lasting benefits.
It encourages communication, captures memories, improves writing skills, fosters reflection, strengthens the parent-child bond, and teaches essential life skills.
So, grab a notebook and embark on this delightful journey of self-expression and connection with your children. You won’t regret it.
Thank you to all who read this to the end. In the comments, what are some ways you connect with your children or loved ones?
Feel free to offer up some claps of encouragement while you’re at it. XOXO Tammie. 🙂
*Tammie is an aspiring health and wellness coach with a background in the school system. She has worked with kids from preschool through sixth grade and the SPED and library departments. Tammie is currently taking a writing class. She has three kids, two dogs, and one amazing husband. You can often find her sitting on her front porch and watching all the cool kids play in her yard. You can also find her at https://www.tammie-fralick.com.
