Lying is a defense mechanism when we feel cornered, our judgment, love or capabilities questioned or for the simple fact that we want attention.
I recently failed an exam.
I have never failed an exam. I have always been top of my class. When I did Design Analysis and Experiments 2, I sort of expected to fail as the exam was hard. A considerable number of my classmates failed the unit.
However, I also expected to pass because I had Passed my CAT (Continuous Assessment Test). My fate was now reduced to a game of waiting. I have been waiting since March due to the Incompetence of Egerton University. That, however, is a story for another day.
Lying is a way of Dismissing Queries on My Exam
Of course, my parents, siblings, and classmates know that I failed. And although most of us failed, saying that all of us failed is still a lie. Because some of us passed. Anyone that is not in my close circle of friends has been dismissed with, “All of us failed.”
I am mad at myself for not making it to the top performers.
It has been known to happen before, that a whole class should fail especially in Calculus, which I also got an A.
The lecture lessened my CAT marks. Some hogwash about “You cannot pass your CAT more than the main exam.” Well, the same person did the exam.
I had an A in Design Analysis and Experiments 1. So what happened in Design Analysis 2, Sarah?
Overreading which leads to saturation which leads to mix up.
Wanting to finish all the questions in the paper.
I am Convicted of my Lie.
So much so that I am writing this at work, pouring it all out before I continue working as a guilt-free person.
The next person to ask will be hit with the truth. While I revel in the liberating sense of telling the truth because you cannot lie to yourself.
I am learning to accept that sometimes I will fail, and that doesn't define the sum total of my worth. To judge me less harshly and allow myself to be human.
Here’s something Interesting by John Piper:
Also when you are at Desiring God, search for more resources on lying. Pretty insightful. You can also search for anything else you are going through because when you have a headache; you don’t wrap a bandage, you take a painkiller.
Is It Ever Right to Lie?
John Piper answers the most notorious question about falsehood.
Speak The Truth
You are human. Give yourself a break at times.
It is so liberating.
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