If you have been reading my articles for a while, you might come across a pattern.I’m a 22-year-old trying to figure out how my faith ties to my vision and my purpose. My thoughts might sound like I don’t trust God. Or don’t wait upon Him. But I do. I know He has great plans even in the valleys. What lacks in me is the patience to wait but maybe that’s what He’s teaching me. I want to know the future but He wants me to know and stay in the present while looking unto eternity.
The inpatient I sometimes want God to answer my prayers. It acts as a puppeteer and makes God the puppet.
If only he can do what I want. Nevermind if it’s in His will and plan.
My soul throws tantrums and thinks God is punishing it by not meeting it’s needs or deferring its needs. Assuming that it’s will is His will it plans, maps out only to be crushed.
When you have always received conditional love you get accustomed to it. Love seems like a reward for doing something exceptional. Approaching faith in this way means trying to earn grace instead of being still. In our actions, we sabotage our spiritual growth because we miss some concepts.
I Now Know Better
Better than to manipulate God into working for me by throwing spiritual tantrums. But do I? Am I willing to say this while I’m in the valley? Yes, I am. It has been a tough 6 months. Probably the toughest of my 22 years existence in this earth.
It can only get better from here.
The Bible has a way of saying things. Like if you faint in the day of adversity then your faith is small. Or that we should not get too comfortable as Christians in the world as we’re not of the world. There are some precepts and concepts that don’t add up to me and questioning them made me seem faithless.
I have resigned asking people and settled for reading the Bible, C.S Lewis, Oswald Chambers and other powerful men of God who dug deeper into the word and showed it’s application in reality.
For me, that’s what good preaching should do. It should touch reality, human nature and eternity.
Questioning the scriptures doesn’t mean you’re faithless. Even the people in the scripture doubted. When you know where you are spiritually, where you want to go and who will take you there; all you need is to trust and do in the lowest hour what you did in the highest hour.
Faith like a mustard seed. That’s all Jesus needs.
Sarah Nderi is an author, data analyst, fashion enthusiast, a lover of Korean drama and comedy. She received her BSc Economics and Statistics at Egerton University and lives in Nairobi, Kenya. You can find her work at MumsVillage and at her site, NderiSarah. Support her in putting her brother through school here.