An Open Letter to Kanye West from the Association of French Bakers

Regarding Croissants in “I am a…

Breakfast: A Manifesto

A Scientific Argument by Reference to Historical, Political, and Cultural…

A New Employee Welcome Letter from the CEO of Soft Blankets, Inc

Dear Valued New Employee:

Hello! Welcome! We are so excited that you have joined our team, and we hope that our excitement here at Soft Blankets, Inc. will soon be your excitement as well. We…

The cover letter I would submit if honesty and self-deprecation were conducive to employment

To Whom It May Concern: You should give me a job, even though you shouldn’t

Frequently Asked Questions About Our Destination Wedding

How to Meat a Man in New Pork City

How does anyone meet anyone in New York? It seems so difficult. There might be eight million people just milling about, but it is hard to branch out and make friends without coming off like a weirdo in the subway or joining some sort of noxious childhood activity…

Government Builds Free Cloud-Based Backup for an Ungrateful Nation

Bewildered Administration Fights…

Local Library Would Like to Remind Everyone Its Shit Is Free

12 Things I Hate About ‘13

Can an ingredient be too local? The gelatinous seaweed served at New York’s…

Everybody at Gym Proud of Fat Guy Exercising

DENVER, CO – In the local 24-Hour Fitness, everybody in the gym felt a small sense of pride when they saw area fat man Gary Pierce exercising. Anna Wright was on the treadmill when she saw the obese Mr. Pierce waddle over to the counter and check in…