January 2020 Tarotscopes: Disaster
Blessings That Unearth When The Dust Settles
Dear Magic Heart,
As I write to you, I’m listening to Zombie by the Cranberries, mulling over the fact that the Disaster card is our gift for the first month of 2020. All I can think about is how my heart is broken for so many reasons, & that somehow I am still here. I’ve survived more than I want to talk about, & I find myself wishing I could skip through the mire of confusing emotions all the way to the end of this mess so I can collect my lessons, tell you what I’m grateful for, & move on from this nightmare. But that’s now how things go when you’re 10 years sober, going to therapy three times a week, & starting new psych meds when the fucking Disaster card shows up with a smile in your montly tarot reading.
I love the Disaster card as much as I love Pluto, which a fucking lot, cuz there are so many blessings to unearth when the dust settles. The Disaster card is also known as the Tower in a more traditional deck, & there are some things you should be aware of when Disaster comes to play. First of all, no tower is eternal. A bunch of preschoolers taught me this lesson when I noticed that while they enjoyed building towers taller than themselves, what brought the most smiles & squeals of laughter was knocking that shit down.
At first I was like, “Huh?” But then I began to realize that they understood that there were a limited number of blocks, so if they wanted to build new towers, the old ones had to come down. There was also an undeniable joy when demolishing their towers. There was an occasional kiddo that needed coaxing to bring down their tower, but not all the time. Through these mini lessons, they taught me how to develop some kind of non-attachment to towers, no matter how much time or energy was used to create them, cuz inevitably they all gotta come down.
Towers can be anything & everything. They’re your plans, your relationships, your career aspirations, your personal projects, your tender hopes, your joyful dreams, & the secrets you keep, even from yourself.
When you spend days, weeks, & years building these towers, imbuing them with your blood, sweat, & tears, it feels impossible to imagine your life without them. They all have a demolition date, & when that time comes, nothing can stop it.
So, this month, when you start to notice shit falling apart despite all your best efforts, remember that this is part of the natural life cycle of your tower(s), & that as they come down, you will have more resources & more room to build again. Sift through the rubble & pull out the gems you forgot about. Make those gems the new foundation for your new towers.
xo
Dacia
ARIES: Three of Keys
Imagine that you’ve inherited a bunch of family recipes, but instead of instructing you how to make stroganoff, they’re about how to be happy, how to make money, how to be in relationships & other important life stuff. Next, imagine that as you cook according to these ancestral recipes, you start to question whether or not you even want the dish now that you’re privy to the ingredients. Now imagine that once you take that first bite, the only thing you wanna do is spit it out! This is why the Three of Keys has shown up as your card of the month, to let you know it’s time to heal those family recipes so you don’t pass on the same shit you were given.
This isn’t the time to call up so & so to tell them how much these dishes suck, your job is to go through your recipes with your critical thinking skills & decide what ingredients can stay & which ones gotta go! You’re gonna be surprised what’s made its way into your jam of Happiness, into the cookies of Self-Worth, & the casserole of Parent / Child Relationships. Resist the impulse to blame yourself & others for these recipes, & instead, focus on forgiving yourself for not knowing differently, then extend that forgiveness to others if that feels ok for you. Remember that forgiveness & acceptance are not the same as condoning the status quo, it serves to help you take an honest inventory before you change it all up.
TAURUS: Seeker of Keys
A big reason why your tower had to come down was cuz you were too invested in things that weren’t ever gonna come to fruition the way you deserve. It hurts when all your hard work smashes into dust, but you gotta remember that new paths will be revealed now that you’re forced to stop what you were doing. Seeker of Keys is the breath of fresh air you’ve been wishing for. The only way this works is when you put yourself first, my darling bull. That might seem opposite of how you’ve been operating, & that’s one of the outdated beliefs that are dismantled with that outdated tower.
Seeker of Keys is also a sign that your intuition is actually becoming stronger & more accurate, even if you don’t have any proof to verify your hunches right away. Make sure not to feel pressured to make a decision where only a few options are presented & they both suck. You are hesitant cuz you sense that there is another path that meets your needs, rather than compromises them. That door hasn’t opened yet. But it will! You just gotta stay your course & have faith. It’s amazing how things can come together when everyone is taking care of themselves, so don’t worry that putting yourself is bad or wrong. It actually gives others permission to do the same.
GEMINI: The Conductor
Gemini babe, the Femme Sea Witch is showing up again to help you focus your energy on truly trusting that it is time for your tower to fall apart. This is can be challenging cuz who likes to feel like all their time & effort is destined to crash to the ground? If it is meant to collapse, then what were you fighting so hard for? Instead of getting stuck in this loop of demoralizing doom, I want you to tune your spirit into the energy of your tower. Does your tower ache? Has it actually been asking you to bring it down for a whil? Has your tower come to you in your dreams
cuz you started blocking out these messages in your waking life? The longer you neglect the needs of your tower, the messier it can be when it finally begins to collapse.
It takes incredible strength & faith to surrender to the power of death & rebirth, to accept the time has come to bid farewell to your tower, & to let it all go. This is not the same thing as giving up or feeling apathetic, it is about choosing to save your energy for picking through the rubble to find the gems that still shine & inspire you. You will find these dream gems still intact in the foundation of your tower, & you might realize, too, that you forgot they were even there. Sometimes we imbed these gems into our foundations, but then we forget them the higher we build our towers, even if we never thought we could. As you feel the tower begin to shake & sway, I want you to remember that you haven’t done anything wrong. This isn’t happening cuz you’re bad, it’s happening cuz the Femme Sea Witch is helping you heal a deep & perhaps forgotten wound, one that was sabatoging you from the inside out. You are still doing everything right, my love.
CANCER: Nine of Bottles
You are no stranger to the Tower, which means that this month might actually bring you more love than anything else. There’s only one condition, & that’s to shed any remaining layers that keep you from being drenched in the waterfalls of love! This is incredibly simple & incredibly complex. Nine of Bottles, your card for this month, tells the story of how you did everything you could to get to this fabled Waterfall of Love, cuz the powers of the water are so magical that heartaches are quenched, wounds are cleaned & closed up, & you know without a doubt how wonderful & deserving you are. However, even though you’ve reached these falls, & after two or three passes beneath the water, you are still dry & thirsty. If you stop & take a quick inventory, you’re gonna realize that you’re actually wearing a rain hat, a raincoat, & some kinda rain boots, & that’s why you’re not feeling those cleansing waters. WTF does this mean? Good question.
You have traveled from an emotional climate where rain gear was imperative for your survival. It’s been more helpful than not since you put it on, so there’s been no reason to take it off…until now. Yes, this protective layer has served you well, but now it is hindering your ability to receive the love you seek. What beliefs have you been carrying around to protect yourself from feeling hurt? Are you willing to bare your most tender self when it comes to love? Even if relationships & other connections don’t go the way you hoped, can you still remain open? Will you seek out Spirit rather than attack yourself or others when you feel triggered? These are some examples of how to take off those outer layers that keep you from feeling the full flush of the Waterfall of Love. You’ve made miracles happen to get here, don’t stop now. You’re so close, there’s just one more deep dive into the rubble of your heart, that internal tower, before you emerge triumphant. This is a victory nobody will ever be able to take from you.
LEO: Seeker of Bottles
Your job this month is to relax, take care of yourself, & go with the flow. Yes, even if plans, projects, & other parts of your life start to fall apart. Don’t second guess your ability to stay calm, like, don’t let the panic of others around you scare you off balance. Your guides & ancestors are so proud of the work you’ve been doing to heal yourself & work on your boundaries, & this is the time to practice your new skills.
The towers that are coming down in your life are not you, so don’t internalize that dissolution & chaos. If it activates any of your trauma or trauma responses, remember the things you’ve learned. You are doing the best you can. You deserve good things. You can trust your heart. You are not responsible for saving anyone but yourself. You are not defined by your worst moments. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not bad. You are not powerless if you surrender, you actually become more powerful. Accepting change is how you maintain your calm & make the best choices for yourself.
The scariest thing you can do right now is abandon yourself, so don’t minimize how important it is to be your own priority. Learning this lesson has been painful, & doing it anyways has helped you get here.
VIRGO: The Instructor
Your survival matters. You are a miracle, & don’t forget it! You’ve developed so many skills & tactics for how to get through some shit, & cuz they’ve developed over such a long period of time, it may not seem like anything special. But it is. & that’s why the Instructor showed up as your card this month.
Your guides & ancestors wanna make sure you understand that this latest falling apart episode wasn’t just a shitty test, it’s purpose is to make some room in your life for an important mentorship relationship that is gonna shine through. You will either be a mentor or a mentee, & this will nurture parts of you that have been protected for a long time.
The simple fact that you exist is miraculous. You are put together with prayers, surrender, smarts, grace, & faith. It has been so difficult for you cuz you didn’t have role models in the way others do. You had to dream your own future & hope it was enough. You had to chart your path without having been here before, & as a result, you were often left feeling like you could have / should have done better.
The truth is you have been & still are doing the best you can, which might not be perfect, but perfection was never a requirement. You’ve been so hard on yourself.
I hope though this new mentor / mentee relationship you will be able to get a more accurate perspective of how wonderful you are. If you are to be the mentor, & the Femmeiverse brings you a mentee, you will naturally find yourself sharing the things you’ve learned about how to navigate this world, the loopholes that can save time & energy, as well as some of the warning signs of potential dangers along this path.
As a mentee, if your guides & ancestors bring you a mentor, you will bask in the loving glow of someone who came before you & can share secrets that mean so much to you both. It is incredible to actually meet your future self in this way, to share physical time & space with someone like yourself further along this life path. This experience will be more personal & less formal. You’ve both been asking for this healing, & you each come with the other’s heart balm.
LIBRA: Three of Feathers
As one or more towers in your life come tumbling down this month, your guides & ancestors have brought you Three of Feathers to urge you to take time to write & reflect on your past, the present, & what you want for your future. This is a pivotal moment that involves more than chaos or destruction, it is also bursting with life. Even if it doesn’t feel that way.
Unexpected disruptions can activate old trauma & memories of hard times. Your job isn’t to ignore when this happens or to minimize your feelings, this is a sign to take the best care of yourself while you ride out these emotions. One way to ground yourself in the present is by writing down all the old feelings & memories that are popping up for you. You can even write to your past self, making sure to lace your letter with adoration & empathy.
Your past self was not able to have the perspective that you do now, but you can be the unconditionally loving witness we all need in times of great confusion & despair. Next, you can write your to your future self. Ask all the questions, share all your worries, lay bare you most tender dreams. Don’t let any of your present concerns quell your desires for your future.
Then write a letter to your present self from the perspective of your past & future self. Make sure to let the gratitude flow from your future self, cuz if you didn’t make the changes you’re currently going through, the future would unfold differently.
You might find that your past self has questions for you, too, & don’t be afraid to answer them, or to give them hope. These letters can include whatever you feel like sharing. Your guides & ancestors just want you to understand yourself in new & deeper ways.
SCORPIO: Eight of Bottles
Whether you are aware or not, you possess some very special death & rebirth skills, & the Femmeiverse brought you Nine of Feathers this month to help you understand & harness that power in a more conscious way. The combination of Destruction, aka the Tower, & Nine of Feathers tells me that Pluto is calling your name, & you’re gonna have to figure out how to respond to that call. This month will be filled with lessons that nurture deep transformation, particularly in the realm of Spirit.
Your guides & ancestors want to help you focus on connecting with your own spirit, & recognizing the ways in which you are inextricably connected to the Spirit within everything in this world. Sometimes the Femmeiverse, with the help of Pluto in this instance, will bring you face to face with your shadow self, the parts of you that are burdened with shame & self-hatred. Most often these parts were / are formed from the shit people have projected onto you from their own shadow selves.
Grant yourself permission to release these false beliefs about who you are. Embrace your deepest shame & hurt parts with unconditional love & endless compassion. There is a whole wealth of untamed power & grace entangled within you, they’ve just been hidden by fear & judgement. The more you are able to sit with yourself, to really forgive, accept, make amends when necessary, & continue to let love in, the more power you will self generate.
This is also one of the gifts of Pluto, to help you reclaim lost sites of power, & to challenge any false narratives surrounding power that might keep you stuck in old patterns where you are constantly giving it away. You are & birthing a whole new story about yourself & the world you live in. It’s ok to create something completely different! You are beholden only to yourself.
SAGITTARIUS: Strength
The Femmeiverse wants you to cultivate strength in vulnerability this month, fire babe. As the towers in your life come down, your first instinct may be to flee, or put up stronger walls, or work until that ache in your heart is sufficiently covered with to-do lists & actions items, but resist the urge. Although you may have become attached to rules & protocol while building your tower(s), & had no concern as to whether they were sustainable for you or not, it is time for you to implement boundaries, agreements, & schedules that can truly support you long term. Your guides & ancestors want you to do this cuz you’re being prepared to cultivate a different kind of strength than you are familiar with.
The Strength card emphasizes the importance of vulnerability & how to channel your energy from outward strength to inner strength. It takes discipline to refrain from judging your messiest, raw, instinctual self, which you’ve been doing to maintain an image that keeps other people comfortable. But this was largely at a personal cost. The more gentle you become with these parts of you, the stronger they will become, & you will become more confident in your boundaries to keep your open heart safe.
You may also notice that as you transform in these new ways, your relationships will also change. Intimacy will deepen as you share more of yourself, & the relationships that operate on an incompatible energetic level will dissolve. As you change, it will cause others to either change with you or leave. This is not something to take personally, it’s simply beyond your control.
CAPRICORN: Six of Bones
You’ve had plenty of practice, since at least 2008 when Pluto first entered Capricorn, to accept the many, many things you have no control over. The easiest & most efficient way to put this lesson into action is by reallocating your time & energy from other people back into yourself. Destruction showing up this month indicates that yet another tower has fallen, & the Six of Keys, your personal card for January, means that you will get to taste a bit of sweet success.
Six of Bones is the story of how you expertly navigate your way through red tape scenarios (think paperwork stuff) & unplanned avalanches. In the past, these occurrences would’ve caused some problems for you cuz you would probs stop & lament how you didn’t foresee these catastrophes! (I’m exaggerating, but kinda not. You know what I mean, Cap.) & then before you could help yourself, you would’ve gotten sucked into a whole worry spiral, & everything would come to a crashing halt.
But, that’s the old you.
Six of Bones is the new you. A fresh baby goatling who is able to retire the inner critic, who musters up enough faith to try things you might fail at, & who knows how to swiftly move in & out of seemingly impossible situations. You are coming into balance in your life by throwing away the measuring sticks that only indicate your failure, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Resist the urge to compare yourself to anyone else, even the perfect (& unrealistic) idea you have of yourself. This is the best way to accomplish your precious goals.
AQUARIUS: Five of Feathers
Your card this month is super connected to last month’s Moon reading. You’ve been gifted something very special from the Femmeiverse, & I hope you are truly allowing yourself to receive it. Five of Feathers, your card for January, shows me that these gifts require your authenticity in a way nothing has before. In fact, I would not be surprised if these gifts have been showing up for you through your life, but you didn’t feel ready to let them in.
Your guides & ancestors really want you to understand that if you choose to avoid all this grace again, it will still be here waiting for when you return. You’ve actually activated a deep archetype within yourself that is tethered to these blessings, so no amount of self-sabotage can scare them away. You’ve been doing such good work, love, & now you get to reap those benefits.
Choosing the messy & unpredictable are not really challenges for you. Making & keeping appointments that support your mental, emotional, & spiritual health are the real challenges. Just as you are allowed to make mistakes & keep on flying, you are also allowed to make mistakes when trying to figure out a routine for yourself. Buy a planner or make your own. Seek out articles & videos, listen to podcasts, talk to friends, or read books about how to organize your time & plan for your success. Schedule your time so you can slowly wake-up each day, eat your favorite food, & have space to connect with your breath. You are in charge of your life. Make it yours in every possible way!
PISCES: Reception
Your guides & ancestors are so happy to be here with you, that you have invited them into your life. They’ve been with you since before you came to this realm & had a body, & they’ve wanted to support you in more tangible ways, but they need you to ask first. Of course there are always there nudging outcomes in your favor, but they can really make some miraculous shit happen when they’ve got your consent! The Reception card is one of my super duper ancestor cards, & it’s basically a huge sign to rest & surrender cuz they’ve got you. They are carrying you through these hard times, & your only job is to trust that you don’t need to do everything yourself. I understand that this may be hard to believe, but it’s true.
Rest & relaxation is important this month cuz you are getting ready to release something you’ve been carrying around inside of you. It could be an idea, a dream, a project, something, anything precious to you. This creation has a life energy, & this energy has chosen you to bring it into this world. You have been chosen cuz you are the perfect vessel, & you must not doubt that. As you soften from the inside out, you will naturally fall into divine rhythm & essentially birth this creation at some point.
Don’t rush this process, it will only frustrate you. You will know when the time has come. Details that are beyond your control, aka things you don’t need to worry about, will fall into place with ease. Maybe even surprisingly so! These are connections that were put in motion as the tower(s) in your life began to fall. Now that you are no longer feeding obsolete towers your life blood, you can focus on this precious project. Inaction will be the strongest action you can take this month.
