The Time My Ass (Almost) Became The Butt of A Joke
A cautionary tale
The first time my booty was called out in public, was in middle school. Sporting tight, white, Levi’s 501s, I was strutting across the cafeteria when one of the most popular guys yelled at me:
—Hey, you! Nice ass!
I blushed and mumbled something indistinguishable, but most of all I was filled with an enormous sense of pride: Of all the asses in that room, he had called out mine! That’s when I realized the power of the bum, and that having a great one—whatever that means—was something to aspire to.
(Or shall I say ass-spire to?)
My first long-term boyfriend, who took both my virginities, was a huge Broadway musical fan. He’d sing along to songs, like the hit from A Chorus Line:
—Tits and ass can change your life. They sure changed mine.
My last, long relationship was with a dude from the Dirty South. The two of us threw booty dance parties with discounted entries depending on the length of your boothy shorts, (yeah, I know!) and would bounce all night to DJ Assault:
—Ass, titties, ass-n-titties. Ass ass titties titties, ass-n-titties.
Needless to say, my rump always received a fair amount of appreciation, but being far above…
