Vanishing Twin Syndrome
We wanted two kids, but one at a time. It would be so much easier with one. We can do this, we said. But just like that, we didn’t have to.
I had a hard time believing. Believing I would ever get pregnant, and then believing I was actually pregnant. During those three years of failed conception, I’d try to determine if I felt pregnant before every test I took. Was my anticipation and excitement based on an intuitive feeling or just idle hope? For just a moment, I’d try to wish a child into existence.
IVF produced three embryos and my doctor implanted one, leaving two on ice.
When that one didn’t take, I took a couple month break from fertility treatments. I let myself become so used to the appearance of single lines, I wondered if my body could ever overcome my disbelief. I let myself believe I wasn’t a person concerned with getting pregnant, and for a couple months I was.
Then it was back to the making of life grind.
This time my doctor decided to be less conservative and implanted me with the two remaining embryos. And there I was again, alone with a pregnancy test. I had wanted more time with my uncertainty before knowing, but my husband reminded me we had agreed to find out as soon as possible. I couldn’t…
