Anger

I like vision boards. I don’t believe in The Law Of Attraction, but I like goals, and a visual reminder of goals is helpful for my ADHD monkeybrain. Plus, I think they’re neat. For the past few years, my boards have had a picture of a tiger, a sloppy thing I put together in MS paint,with the words “healthy engagement with anger” over it.

I’ve had big anger this past week. Without getting too deep, I am in a circumstance where one of my children is being treated unfairly, and I am not being listened to. I’ve found myself bombastically angry (and also disempowered, betrayed, sad, and like I’m being a bad parent) as a result.

I don’t usually get loud when I’m VERY angry. I get quiet and become withdrawn. I start to feel physical pain from being tense. It usually doesn’t stick around for too long, but I’m uncomfortable with it.

I’m not an angry person, and I’m coming out of suppressing my emotions for most of my life. When I first started letting myself feel and experience anger, I didn’t know what to do with it. In the past, I’ve journaled or meditated, or done something physical to work it out-yoga, exercising, dancing, hitting a heavy bag, tremoring, going for a bike ride, throwing myself into household chores. I’ve also just straight up ragequit and taken a nap. I usually need something to do until I can process what I’m feeling. These are healthy, good things, but the idea of doing them was unappealing in this situation.

I am allowed to feel all the feelings. I am allowed to feel rage, joy, contentment, disappointment, sadness. I am allowed to sit and pick at it, but eventually, I have to do the work of dealing with it and moving on. It’s unpleasant and difficult, and I’m not great at it, but I will do the work. I don’t want to go through life as an angry person.

What do you do when you’re angry? What’s worked for you?