From Survival Mode To Thriving

My brain can be a mess-recently diagnosed ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, parenting a special-needs child, and escaping a long, abusive relationship has taken a toll. I’ve felt, for a few years, that I was just barely keeping myself alive, as I drifted between trauma and depressive episodes.

My oldest kid was in a terrible accident 12 years ago, and the doctors in the hospital where she was recovering would use the phrase “failure to thrive.” It struck me, and hung heavy in my mind. I wrote a poem using the phrase as a title in my last poetry chapbook.

Things seem to have turned a corner lately, and I felt it coming. I just (as in, a few minutes prior to composing this), realized that I’m no longer in survival mode. I’ve been (safely) seeing friends, exercising, sleeping more-my life has felt generally easier. It’s certainly welcome after feeling trapped for so long. 2 years ago, I was having panic attacks and PTSD nightmares. I’m so glad this wasn’t a constant, permanent state. I’ve done a lot of therapy and healing since then, including having a wonderful, healthy relationship, and many great, authentic friendships.

The biggest part of this shift, which neatly aligns with the change in seasons, is that I’ve been bursting with creativity lately, and I’m so grateful! I’ve been writing a lot more than I have in years. In addition to blog posts, I’ve been writing a few jokes a day for stand up, which I am planning to get back to doing. I’m hoping this lasts, and I’m trying to make the best of it.