Not your typical conspicuous consumption

Man, this shit’s unflatterin’, all up in my head again

I don’t feel myself right now, maybe I should just lay down

-Maren Morris

The opening line from Maren Morris’s, “Girl” sums up how I felt by the end of 2020. Since we all have a bad habit of only showing our conspicuous consumptions on the internet, I decided I wanted to share my not so shiny side.

1. Getting laid off. I had never been unemployed before. Let’s just say I didn’t take it lightly. It felt so personal. I literally ugly cried to the CIO of InVision, Nick Ellis. I couldn’t control my face or tears. I was very embarrassed that I couldn’t keep it together when he wanted to talk to me about it.
2. The last two weeks on the job at InVision were excruciating for me. Being told that you’re a rockstar and awesome by the same people who let you go feels so disingenuous.. It’s impossible to believe them. Listening to people complain about tasks I was offloading to them during the knowledge transfer process dug at my gut. I lacked empathy for anyone who got to keep their job. I’m still very thankful for the opportunity to work with such amazing people at InVision. If you got to keep your job, I’m now finally happy for you!
3. Being in a public pool of sadness. Watching a lot of my friends, family members and colleagues go through the same thing as me during this year with all the layoffs, pay reductions, illnesses and suffering really hurt and made me feel like all water had turned into sad kool-aid. I felt like everything was negative around me and I was getting sucked into a black hole. I don’t wish getting laid off on anyone because it is such a confidence killer and takes a village to build a person back up. It’s hard to find a strong network when so many of you’re going through the same thing. All I can say is thank you to my network who helped keep my head above water, I will forever be grateful for those who didn’t give up on me and dragged me to safer a place.
4. Selling our first home. This was emotionally tough since we had put a lot of sweat into renovating the house to make it perfect for us. The decision was tough but it was the best decision considering we both were unemployed. Moving in the middle of a pandemic was not fun either. My fiancé and I decided to do it all by ourselves to reduce contact and costs. That was hard. It took us three flipping weeks to move across town.
5. Going back to work. Getting laid off made me super gun shy. I didn’t want to go through this again for a very long time. I certainly didn’t want to be forced to go into a political office environment when covid was over. I even contemplated not ever going through it again by being self-employed. I turned down several offers and worked freelance jobs for months for this reason. It took me a while to get into a better mind set to work with a team again. However, I’m so glad I did.

Raise a glass and toast with me…here’s to be being more vulnerable on the internet in 2021!