Small Bits of It

Unknowingly, the sadness hits me

But when I say sad, it’s not the kind of grand sadness depicted in movies and books

It doesn’t feel beautiful; it doesn’t even have any meaning.

It struck me at the familiar places,

And at the odd and crowded places.

In small bits of outburst, I get sad

My sadness is scattered into tiny pieces

Some days, the pieces are bigger than other days.

More often than not, it comes for no reason

The thought of knowing that I shouldn’t be sad,

Makes me even more uneasy

That there are people who are more deserving to feel sad.

It comes suddenly

The sadness incapacitates me

And for a while, I feel enveloped from all the sadness within

As if I will get swollen and eaten

From the wholeness of it all.

And if I let out some tears,

the suddenness of it all makes people uncomfortable.

I get sad often

Each time, I still have to be highly functional

Each time, I will have to crawl out on my own.