Flight Risk: Moving to Indonesia

It is 7:15pm here in Chicago, and my dad and I just boarded our flight on Qatar airlines. We don’t leave for another 20 minutes, but I already feel like my adventure has begun.

In front of me there is a woman wearing a hijab who is returning to her home in Doha, across from me is a man from Saudi Arabia who is returning from a visit with his four sons, and everywhere around me I hear Arabic in many melodic dialects. It’s simultaneously the most unfamiliar and most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

In many ways, this is like what the months ahead will be like, unfamiliar and even difficult to adjust to at times. I’ll be living amongst people whose language is completely different than my own, whose cuisine is more adventurous than what I am used to and whose traditions are like nothing I have ever experienced. I know that there will be days when all I was is a pizza and some tap water to drink, but with this unfamiliarity also comes growth. The new friends, hobbies and customs I adopt will all be a direct result of the step I am taking right now. For the next three months I’ll be operating completely out of my comfort zone.

In this moment I feel willing and ready, but hours prior to this homesickness enveloped me. Eating my mom’s Persian food for the last time or sleeping in my twin sized bed last night were the things that made me miss home before I had even left. I felt extreme nostalgia as I said my last goodbyes to my childhood home and the years of memories that filled it. But as I left, I realized that sadness was less of a result of leaving home, but more from a fear of how things would change once I did leave. Would my relationship with my parents change? Does this make me an adult now? Do my responsibilities change now that I don’t live at home? What would the house be like now that my mom and dad were empty nesters? It felt strange that the next time I go home I’ll be a visitor rather than a regular. The truth is, things will be different — I will be different — but that isn’t a bad thing.

Many people asked me why I was taking a gap year, I was questioned and doubted so often that I sometimes believed that I made the wrong choice. I wondered: Is this all a waste of time? Should I be going to college this year like the rest of my friends are? Was it wrong that I gave up the graduation year of 2020? (Yes, people really used this as a reason to stop me from taking a year off). All these thoughts and concerns did worry me at times, but they never got to me because I believe that anything in life that is worth doing involves risk.

Think about it, every great moment of growth or change has its origin in risk. Things work out this way because risk is like karma. Eventually it comes back around and you’ll reap the benefits (knowledge, memories, lifelong friendships) of the things you did that you didn’t feel so certain about at first. So, with all this “good risk karma” to look forward to, what is the point of being doubtful?

I took this gap year in hopes of learning more about myself. I want to go into college with a clearer vision who I am — one beyond exam grades and extracurriculars. I want to take a year so that I can recognize myself again. To better understand my dreams and aspirations. I spent all of high school creating a version of myself that I thought colleges would like. I focused on my grades and fought for every leadership position I could get, but what did it mean at the end of the day when I wasn’t passionate about most things on my resume? Nothing, and the facades we live behind ultimately leave us empty inside. I was empty inside. This year, my goal is to find out who Lizzie Youshaei is and figure out how I will make an impact on this world. That is what I want to find out and traveling across the globe is the best way I know how.

Now, with a three big months ahead there are a lot of things I am looking forward to: tourist attractions, learning a new language, teaching, etc. Below is a quick list of the five things that I am most excited about.

1. Ubud Monkey Forest: This is the tourist attraction I am most excited about. Something about monkeys wandering around freely and tourists feeding them bananas makes me incredibly happy. I wonder if taking one home with me is against the law… *
2. Surfing: This one has been on my New Years resolution list for the part four years, and what better place to learn than in one of the best surf towns in the world?
3. Building a Community: The 28 other people taking this year long adventure are merely strangers to me now, but in a matter of days they will be family. This will be an experience I will never forget and these are the people I will carry with me for the rest of my life, I am incredibly excited to meet them.
4. Teaching: I love kids and I love making people smile. I think I may even end up learning more from them than they do from me. :)
5. Learning the Language: I believe that people all over the world are more similar to one another than different, but language barriers make it incredibly difficult to see this. I obviously won’t be fluent in Indonesian when I return to the states, but my hope is that i’ll learn enough to really immerse myself in the community + culture.

Lastly, before I go, I’d like to take note of what has happened in the 40 minutes since I started writing. My dad is currently sound asleep — but before he did he made sure to discuss the Iran deal with everyone seated around us. He also, I should add, offered crackers to this crowd during their debate to which they ate and happily disagreed with one another. I think he deserves a spot in the United Nations for that one, wouldn’t you agree?

Until next time,

Lizzie Youshaei

xoxo

* I think i’d have some trouble going through customs with it hidden in my carry-on…