Christians, It’s Time to Decide Who You Are
Are you a shepherd, a sheep, a wolf, or complicit in the wolf’s deception?
Let me start by asking a rhetorical question: How do you react when someone says they’re a Christian? Are you glad? Do you feel an instant connection with this person? Are you skeptical? Angry? Disgusted? Scared? Does it matter?
I can say I’ve experienced all these emotions during and beyond my journey as a Christian. When I was younger — in my early twenties — I would have been delighted to hear someone was a Christian. I had an immediate bond with this person, and naïvely, I believed they believed the same things as me, that we had the same ideals and morals.
As a Christian, I felt included. Like being part of a special club. In those days, I would have judged you if you weren’t a Christian.
In my mid- to-late twenties, as my first marriage disintegrated, I began to question myself and other Christians around me. These were the darkest years of my life. They were full of turmoil, conflict, and suffering. They were filled with self-doubt and a most painful realization: The man I married was not a good husband, and my church family insisted I stay with him.
Because God would bless my faithfulness.
I never cheated on my first husband, nor my current husband, or any other person with whom I’ve had a relationship. What my church family had promised was that God would bless my belief, my faith that he (God) would restore my broken marriage. These same people later rebuked me, saying, “Godly women don’t divorce their husbands.”
I wonder how many women — and men for that matter — who have stayed in unhealthy relationships because someone laid a religious guilt trip on them. I wonder how many women and men have endured a lifetime of misery and pain in the hopes God would bless them.
My blessing was getting a divorce and leaving my church.
Afterward, I felt rejected by my church ‘family.’ Only one friend from church remained after my divorce. And although we’ve since lost touch, I still feel love and admiration for her. She showed me grace, kindness, and goodness when no one else did.
She was the only one — out of dozens of people — who supported and stood up for my decision. And she was the only one who didn’t shove her opinion down my throat, or give me a guilt trip on what God required of me.
In the end, I lost my faith in God, too.
After I got divorced and stopped going to church, I began to see things more clearly. And the weight of guilt and expectation lifted. I was a free woman — free to live and free to think how I wanted.
I moved on with my life and met new friends. I went back to school and earned my bachelor’s degree. I met and married an amazing man, and we’ve made a beautiful life together — including one rambunctious little boy.
I’ve begun to shed the feelings of contempt from my previous life. And yes, I’ve forgiven myself — not for my decision to leave — but from being a Christian and living that lifestyle. I’ve forgiven myself for being the exact kind of person who lead me to abandon my beliefs: Closed-minded, small-minded, self-righteous, judgmental, and ignorant.
Let me be very clear. I do not believe all Christians are like this. Although I am no longer a Christian and don’t believe in God, I very much respect and accept people who do. Just as I do with people from all other religions and faiths.
My intent isn’t to attack those who cherish the word of God or Jesus’ teachings. We’re good. Who I take issue with are those individuals who profess to be Christian, but their behavior and what they say (or don’t say) do not match their so-called beliefs.
Christianity is being weaponized and politicized by those who are not true believers.
I see our country facing not one, but five crises: COVID-19, tremendous economic loss, global warming, social injustice and systemic racism, and our nation’s loss of morality and compassion.
Our democracy is being broken apart by a sociopathic idiot, his treacherous cronies, and spineless and ignorant supporters. Many of whom have professed their belief in Christ, and who hold ‘Christian’ values.
My healed wounds have begun to open again, and I feel a rage in my belly. It’s the kind of fire that cannot be extinguished. That internal rage is what pushed me to write this article and share my story.
Today, I see four kinds of people claiming to represent Christ:
- The people who’ve committed themselves to God’s word, and who care deeply for others.
- The sheep that follow the wolf that’s disguised as a sheep. Even when the wolf shows his true self time and again, these sheep refuse to recognize or accept the truth. The wolf is leading these sheep to the slaughter, and the sheep are blind with ignorance.
- The wolves.
- The people who help disguise the wolf, or see him put on the sheep’s clothing and don’t say or do a thing. These people do nothing because they either lack the courage or they gain something from the wolf’s deception.
Fake Christians
In Sunday School as a young girl, I heard a lot of about wolves and sheep and shepherds. We’ve probably all heard some rendition of this tale. The sheep are the innocent, and yes, stupid.
A shepherd leads and protects the sheep, spots trouble — and, if it comes to it — fights off the wolves. They care deeply for their flock, and will go to extraordinary lengths to guard the weak, help the sick, and find the lost.
The wolves are evil. And there’s a lot of wolves out there, many of them disguised as sheep. Many people are posing as Christians, but don’t act like they’ve committed themselves to God’s word.
People often make the terrible assumption that just because someone is a Christian, it means that person is inherently good.
If someone says they’re a Christian, others will likely take them at their word without realizing that term means different things to different people. Someone’s declaration as a Christian doesn’t mean they share the same set of ideals or principles as another, like I naïvely thought in my early twenties.
People’s interpretations of Christianity vary tremendously. Some say they’re Christian because they went to church when they were little. Others identify as Christian because they go to church now. Some say they’re Christian because they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and going to church doesn’t matter. Some consider themselves Christian simply because they’re white.
Growing up and during my years in church, we would use the word ‘Christian’ to describe someone’s strong character, morals, values, or good standing in the community. We would use this word to confirm someone’s trustworthiness.
But I’ve been burned by more so-called Christians than anyone else in my life. My deepest wounds have been inflicted by Christians — both in my personal and professional life. I’ve been judged, mistreated, used, manipulated, reasoned with, and turned away by Christians I knew and once greatly admired.
I’ve seen people who profess their faith and allegiance to God, only to sneer at others behind their backs, take advantage of them, laugh at their misfortune, or leverage them to look good. I’ve heard people share private, confidential conversations they’ve had with others to entertain a crowd.
I was married to a man who would manipulate scripture to get what he wanted from me.
Christians don’t act alike.
Some hit up the bar and get trashed after Sunday service. Some never touch the stuff, and judge others who do. Some abuse their significant others or children. Some are homophobic and preach damnation to anyone who is gay, while others are gay and attend church.
Some are racist and believe a white supremacy doctrine, while others believe Black Lives Matter and stand up for their brothers and sisters of color. Some gas peaceful protesters to cross the street and stand at a place of worship for a photo opportunity. With the bible upside down.
How can this be? How can there be so many Christians who behave so differently? How can two totally different people — one who’s full of love and the other full of hate — both be Christians?
Well, one of them isn’t. They just say they are. Like the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
‘Christian’ can no longer be a term we use to distinguish a good or bad person, or if someone is trustworthy — if it ever was. This word has become so washed out that it holds no meaning. And unfortunately, to many, the word ‘Christian’ no longer means a disciple of Christ.
Today, ‘Christian’ is associated with words like bigot, racist, ignorance, hate, fascistic, the Trump Republican Party, and evil.
Judge a person by their actions, not by who they say they are
People who burn crosses, sexually abuse women and children, or call people of color horrendous, disparaging names are not Christians. I know this should be obvious, but it’s not.
So many people overlook other’s deplorable behavior because they don’t realize they should question. Or they’re afraid to question or speak up.
We are far past the point of taking people at their word. We need to examine people’s true intentions by looking at their behavior. The very character of a person is how they show accountability, or lack thereof.
In the powerful words of civil rights activist Dr. Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Not all people are good.
Blind faith and critical thinking
Some Christians follow blindly simply because they’re told to think a certain way. As a former Christian, I can say I fell prey to this limited way of thinking. I had zero critical thinking skills.
At church, I didn’t learn how to think, I learned what to think. Looking back, I had very specific opinions about things I couldn’t really explain or justify. That was because I was parroting back something I’d heard someone else say.
The more involved I became in church and in my faith, the more isolated I became from people who thought differently than me. Those where the people I silently judged, because I believed they were wrong. Eventually, there were very few people who could challenge my ignorance and closed-mindedness.
It wasn’t until after I divorced my first husband and stopped going to church that I realized I had blinders on. I hadn’t been looking at the world in a real, concrete way — nor did I question myself or those around me.
It wasn’t that I was refusing to see — I just didn’t see anything wrong with the way I or others thought — not until my marriage started to fall apart. I had been following others blindly.
It’s time to decide
Let me end with this: If you are a Christian, what kind of Christian are you?
Are you a shepherd, someone who’s committed to God’s word and cares deeply for others? Do you go to great lengths to lead and protect your sheep?
Or are you a sheep, someone who follows others blindly? If so, do you know who’s leading you, and are you examining the true intentions of the person you’re following? Do your values and beliefs align with this person’s?
I hope you’re not a wolf or a wolf in sheep’s clothing…but something tells me you wouldn’t fess up to it anyway.
I shudder to think you’re someone who’s complicit in the wolf’s deception. This is perhaps the most dangerous person of all — the person who helps disguise the wolf, or sees him put on the sheep’s clothing and says nothing.
I’ll share those powerful words again from Dr. Maya Angelou because they’re worth repeating: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Christians, it’s time to decide who you are, and who you will be.
