Orgasm, Pleased to Meet You!

How women get to orgasm during intercourse or if they have it at all are two of the most haunting questions in our sex life. Why? Well, men do say women are complicated and for centuries, nobody really cared about that, not even women, because they didn’t know they are supposed to feel any climax at all. Maybe some of them were lucky to know and other even luckier to meet that knew how to help them, but the point is that only in the past 3 decades the matter has become a huge topic of discussion among couples, friends and so forth.

Some studies say most women who do have an orgasms during intercourse, are having it clitoral, so when they are eaten up or masturbated by themselves or by the partner during penetration or during the foreplay. Some have vaginal, so they need inner penetration and they don’t get that much pleasure out of the clitoris. The lucky ones have them both and the majority have none.

Other studies say there are 10 or 12 types of orgasms a woman can have. Of course, there are a lot of ways, but I prefer to talk about the clitoral and vaginal because these are the two points of energy we should know and control in order to have a better sex life. Of course anal penetration can arouse you, but you can get there after knowing your genital zones very well and be able to mentally acknowledge the sexual energy.

It may sound like yoga or tantra, but it’s way easier than that. It’s about living in the present. For many years I’ve found myself among women who weren’t capable of having a vaginal orgasm with a man. I was able to produce it myself with my fingers or sex toys, but never with their fingers or their objects of masculinity.

Maybe I was too much of a control freak, but I started getting really frustrated and my partners too because they couldn’t be in the moment. I wanted to have orgasms on every act, of course, but I was able to achieve that quickly only by receiving oral sex. Most of my partners were more than happy to do it, but there were times when we’d had quickies and they would finish before me and my face of disapproval spoiled the moment.

There was this one time where the partner I had at that time had an idea: penetrating me with his fingers for as much as it takes, in order to get to know me better. I was afraid, thinking that if I don’t get that orgasms in 5 minutes, he will think I am just frigid and give up. So I said to myself: If it’s not working in 5 minutes, I will just get on top of him and do my job and end the weird moment in a nice way…or I can fake it, since I know how it should feel. I was so tense. He was a really smart man; he knew exactly what I was thinking.

He was firm in his idea. I was not to touch him in any way. This was my time. So we kissed the whole process through. It took a while, but less than I imagined. After some minutes, I felt safe and relaxed and I focused my attention on what was happening there. I was relaxed in my head, but not in my body. My body was present, my pelvis was moving slowly with him and my vagina was contracting in a natural rhythm. It was for the first time I wasn’t interested in showing off my skills in sex, I was just enjoying and giving my trust to the person next to me. From that moment something changed and progressively, I started becoming more sensitive in that area.

I still have more to learn. I am not able yet to get complete pleasure from all positions in the Kama Sutra, but I am getting there. I have the whole time in the world. So do you.

Yours,

Evy