Keara Douglas
Mar 12 · 8 min read

When a woman takes on the abusive trait of being a narcissist.

Photography provided by Giphy

We often speak on the narcissism that stems from men, but we rarely touch on the narcissistic woman. Yes, just like a man, a woman can in fact hold narcissistic traits as well. Lets take a look at some below:

  1. They feed off of and enjoy the pleasure of hurting others. A narcissistic female will enjoy hurting other people. May even make a game out of it. One sign of this could be the female making direct insults at other females and instead of stopping after seeing the discomfort of that said female they are insulting, they will instead smile and smirk with glee. This also includes sabotaging and ruining friendships and family relationships for a sense of entertainment. Their goal here is to make the other person feel inferior, along with invalidating the other person’s feelings.
  2. They are over competitive. Everything is a competition when it comes to the female narcissist. Especially with other females. A narcissistic woman will never be alright with other women receiving more attention around them at all. This becomes a problem if that narcissistic woman is a mother to a daughter in most cases, along with friendships with other females.
  3. They are drama fueled. Everywhere a narcissistic female goes, drama follows no matter what. Smear campaigns become her thing. Anytime she feels threatened by another female, she will use smearing as a technique to keep chaos up and going. She will often pity her friends against one another with fabrications of gossip.
  4. Extremely materialistic. Narcissistic women tend to place more than a needed value into materialistic things like clothing and accessories to keep up a certain image. Often times leading them into financial debt as well. This includes their home choices and vehicle choices as well. Again, just like a man, a woman who holds a narcissistic trait in her personality will uphold that perfect image to the public while maintaining their foul ways of life daily. She will often time spend big on her looks from getting her hair done a little too often, to getting her nails done way more than the average female. She believes in the finer and luxury designer names and labels.
  5. She spreads herself thin. A narcissistic woman will often times have more than one lover or partner. She does not believe in holding a stable relationship and often time switches partners very quickly and in short amounts of time. In most cases, you will often this type of woman to be the one who wants to act and think like a man. She wants to be able to juggle multiple lovers at one time with a sense of being in control of those men.
  6. She must be the center of attention at all times. Narcissistic women main goal is to get and keep all the attention on her in all situations. No matter what, that narcissistic woman will do any and everything to keep that attention, it’s like a drug for her overall that she must maintain. To her, no amount of attention is enough. This is a woman that will make your accomplishments and worst moments where you need comfort and care about herself. Every conversation will be steered back to herself.
  7. Playing the victim is routine. Nothing is ever a narcissistic woman’s fault. Literally nothing. She didn’t mean the things she has said. She didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t realize what she was doing was hurting you. All three of these statements are lies. She is in fault. She did mean every word she has said. She did know what she was doing the entire time and she enjoyed the fact that it has hurt you. In a narcissistic woman’s mind, she can do no wrong and it has to be someone else’s fault. Don’t expect apologies from narcissistic women.
  8. Her sexuality is used as a manipulation tool. Sex to a narcissistic woman is no more than a tool to be used for manipulating others, especially men into the lifestyle of her choice. Remember, she likes drama and feeds off of it so even when the sex brings negative attention, it is still attention overall, so to that narcissistic woman this is a good thing. The sex is never about true love.
  9. No boundaries are set at all. A narcissistic woman will have no boundaries. Meaning she will flirt and even have sexual relationships with pretty much anybody that she chooses. It could be a friend’s significant other. It could be a family member’s boyfriend or husband. To her, anyone that she wants is for the taking and no one else matters but her. This is often how she keeps chaos and drama up to feed her delusional ego. You often see here that the narcissistic woman will often can’t keep relationships or friendships going because of this very reason. She’s the type of person to smile among a friend and her friend’s significant other, all while knowing she had just had sex with that same friend’s significant other the night before with no regrets.
  10. No empathy. Narcissistic women can’t feel anything. They have no empathy towards anyone or anything. When they see someone hurting or in distress needing help, they can’t and won’t help them. They don’t feel hurt and pain for others like a normal woman would when it is needed. Even if the pain and hurt is caused by them, they do not feel any shame or remorse at all.
  11. Absolutely terrible mothers, but the delusions set make them seem like perfect parents. A narcissistic woman whom is also a mother, especially when they have daughters, can be very terrible and damaging. These are pretty much your most neglectful type of mothers you could find. Everything is a competition remember, so even with having children this can be a huge problem for a narcissistic woman, especially if she has little girls. She wants all the attention on her, so seeing how much a baby is receiving more attention than her can be quite scary for that new narcissistic mom. She will either divert the attention back to her by devaluing or neglecting her children with no remorse. Or anytime a person says something positive about her children, especially her daughter(s), she will counter it by saying some devaluing or neglectful things to change the subject back onto her. She can not recognize her children’s accomplishments without making their accomplishments about her. Playing the victim becomes heavy here as well as we mentioned before, as most won’t ever believe that a woman could be so cruel and deceitful towards her own children. Her children may be treated as objects versus human beings in certain situations, leading to their needs being ignored and often times forms of mental and emotional abuse are done to the child or children. This becomes more dangerous as the child or children become older, especially for the daughters. The older the daughter becomes, the more competitive that narcissistic mom will become when it comes to beauty and talent, even so much as to blindly and cruelly competing for the attention of the man in their daughter’s lives.
  12. Jealousy is heavy. A narcissistic woman can’t stand to see another woman doing better than her. As a matter of fact, most can’t stand other fellow at all. The jealousy is too much for them to handle. To them everything is owed to them no matter what. They feel as though they deserve everything everyone else has and will do any and everything to get it. Not only do narcissistic women envy others, but they believe everyone else envies them as well. This false sense of reality brings about a lot of imaginary competitions with other women.
  13. She lives in love hate relationships. A narcissistic woman has no problem going from love to hate within a matter of seconds. Remember she can’t show empathy and is probably not even around for the love part so cutting you off is even easier for this type of woman. Once she gets what she wants out of you and the imaginary relationship you believe you’re in with her, she has no issue or problem cutting you off like a bad habit as quickly as possible.
  14. Extremely self-centered. A narcissistic woman, just like with a narcissistic man, will uphold her appearance no matter what. How she looks physically to others is what matters the most for her and she will do any and everything to keep that false sense of an image up by all means necessary. She believes she deserves and is entitled to everything literally.
  15. Gas-lighting is at an all time high. For this type of woman, gas-lighting is her best friend. She was manipulate situations so much and so badly, you will begin to think the problem is you. She does this so yet again the attention is on her. You will begin to think that the issue is you and you will begin to do whatever it takes to make her happy again. This may include purchasing expensive gifts and bowing before her to take care of her every need. After awhile, you may begin to realize what is truly going on here but the gas-lighting will be so bad that you may begin to question what exactly is reality as well.
  16. Extreme lack of stability. Narcissistic women tend to lack stability. This leads to a hefty amount of risky behavior and activities. For example, spending money she may not have. Or spending money on things that shouldn’t have a priority for her.
  17. Holding full control can become disgusting. The most common and first notable sign of a narcissistic woman is her desire to have control over every single thing. This controlling feature of their personality can often times go extremely overboard. There have been cases where narcissistic women have been known to deliberately hold their children back from life by all means necessary in an attempt to control their own children’s lives. Same goes for their marriages. They have a desire to control everything in that said marriage, including their husbands. Here you will see them controlling how their husband dresses, where he goes, even where he works. Some go as far as to separate their mates from any other women interactions including those their husband’s family.
  18. She can’t take constructive criticism. A narcissistic woman can not take other people’s criticism whether it be good or bad. She feels as though she knows everything already and will refuse to listen to those who have her best interest at heart. Everyone will be seen, in her eyes, as being against her. She may become combative and extremely defensive in response. But, however, she is highly quick to criticize others with no problem and no remorse whether she’s right about her criticism or not.

Thought Catalog
Live Bold and Bloom
Live Strong
Psychology Today

Purple Crown Project

In honor of women who have been mentally, emotionally, financially and physically abused at the hands of a man.

Keara Douglas

Written by

I write to make me happy and to let others know they are not alone.

Purple Crown Project

In honor of women who have been mentally, emotionally, financially and physically abused at the hands of a man.

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