Theocracy Watch
Breaking News: Michigan City Requires Schools to Start the Day with the Bismillah
Ordinance to replace the Pledge of Allegiance with the Shahada rejected as “premature”
Hamtramck, Michigan — Citing the precedent of Louisiana’s passage of a law requiring the Ten Commandments in every classroom, the all-Muslim city council of Hamtramck, MI today passed an ordinance requiring that public schools begin the day with the Bismillah broadcast over the school’s Public Address system.
Justifying the new rule as consistent with both the US motto “In God We Trust” as well as the references to the Almighty in the Pledge of Allegiance and the Declaration of Independence, the council argued that the overwhelmingly Muslim citizenry had the right to codify its community standards into local law.
“Bismillahi ar-Rahmani ar-Raheem,” which means “In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful,” the council claimed was simply a more culturally appropriate way in Hamtramck’s majority Muslim populace context of expressing the idea “In God We Trust”. Using Arabic, the holy language of God (Allah in Arabic), in their words, was a convention in keeping with the USA’s original liturgical language Latin motto “E Pluribus Unum”.
Christian and Jewish parents in the city have indicated they may take the matter to the courts, depending on the outcome in Louisiana. Explaining their caution, one spokesperson for the anonymous group said “This flagrant violation of the First Amendment is unlikely to be permitted by the courts, but as minorities in this community, we do not want to risk the safety of our families, especially our children in the schools, until the matter is resolved there. There’s no point alienating our neighbors, and we expect the likes of the ACLU to lead the charge against this unconstitutional ordinance.”
One of the council members, speaking off the record, also revealed that several colleagues in closed session had argued vehemently for striking while the iron is hot and replacing the Pledge of Allegiance with the Shahada, to be recited in English:
I bear witness that there is no deity but God, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of God.
After much discussion, the council concluded that the Islamic principle of taquiyyah suggested this additional step would be premature, as the Michigan and US Supreme Courts are still dominated by Christians and Jews who, while predisposed to loosening the separation of church and state, are not ready to do so for religions other than their own.
There was consensus that the matter can be reconsidered at a later time, when the political context is more favorable.
Just kidding. This is satire.
