Post-travel insignificant-ness
The thought of being a small boi in a big world
Right now, I’m slowly flipping through the pages of a travel book. This book, which I picked up from the ‘New Non-Fiction’ section on the New York Public Library, injects the same feeling into me that almost every other travel book does. It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling — perhaps insignificant captures it best?
Up until now, travel has been the only thing that truly excited me — not a temporary excitement but a deeper, sustained excitement. While it is sustained, it’s not every second of every minute. Every so often, I get the feeling that I’m experiencing right now. How much travel is enough travel?
I have a world map filled with pins, each one representing a totally amazing location that I would love to see before I die. Every time I visit a place, I remove the pin from that location so at any point the map only shows the places I still have to visit. Ignoring visa problems (v jealous of stronger passports) and moolah issues (I wish i could truly ignore moolah problems), there’s absolutely no way the map will ever get to a pin-free state. Then why am I holding onto this vision that I can do it all? I feel like I can do it all, see it all, and experience all that life has to offer. But is that really possible?
A better frame of mind is to let the universe flow through you and enjoy every moment. Perhaps this is a note to myself — Whatever you do, do it fully, whatever that means. Still go to places, learn new things, meet new people. But don’t feel sad if you’re unable to do it all. In the end, nobody cares whether you’ve been to a particular city, state, country, planet (actually planet might be cool). Don’t do it for others, don’t do it just for the sake of scratching it off a bucket list — do it because you want to do it, because it challenges you, because it teaches you new things, because it makes you feel alive.
Travel still gets me excited. But I also wouldn’t mind being a cozy location, living a simple live, spending time with the people I love. Not sure whats prompting my change in outlook — maybe traveling teaches you that you’re a small boi in a big world, maybe living the nomadic life makes you appreciate a permanent home, or maybe getting a girlfriend shook up my priorities list.
I think the goal is to stop chasing. Here’s a quote from ‘The Third Door’ that hit me harder than it should have: Young people are always chasing. It’s because they think they’re in control of everything. They have to learn to be connected to the universe. Just let it happen to you.
