Why we need to upgrade our relationships (organizational and personal) to create a regenerative future?

“The most exciting breakthroughs of the twenty-first century will not occur because of technology, but because of an expanding concept of what it means to be human.”

― Frederic Laloux, Reinventing Organizations: A Guide to Creating Organizations Inspired by the Next Stage of Human Consciousness

For those of us who are interested and actively working towards a regenerative future, regeneration has become the buzz word that came to replace sustainability as the guiding principle of how we should aim to live to create a healthier and more meaningful world for all humankind.

In their book Regenerative Leadership, Giles Hutchins and Laura Storm, define a regenerative leader as someone “who contributes to a future where organizations flourish, ecosystems thrive, and people come alive”. In this article I want to focus on the last part of their definition that says that leading regeneration has to do with creating the conditions for people to come alive.

For me, one of the key indicators of people coming alive is the quality of their relationships. Coming alive means to me to have high levels of vitality (available energy to act), but it also means to have honesty, trustful and loving relationships both personally and professionally.

To live and lead in regenerative ways, means to learn how to create and sustain nurturing, meaningful relationships. Assuming, you agree with me, I would like to share some of the things I’ve learned to create this type of relationships both in the professional and in the personal realms of life.

Relationships within organizations

“When organizations are built not on implicit mechanisms of fear but on structures and practices that breed trust and responsibility, extraordinary and unexpected things start to happen.”

― Frederic Laloux, Reinventing Organizations: A Guide to Creating Organizations Inspired by the Next Stage of Human Consciousness

In the old paradigm that is still present in many organizations across the world, people (workers) should leave their private lives outside the workplace and present themselves only as professionals. This dissociation created an artificial environment where people worked together but didn’t really know the people behind the colleagues and those “professional masks” that everyone was wearing. These ways of working don’t incentivize authenticity in relationships, and in the long run, have a negative effect in the way people work together, communicate and coordinate actions. Remote work has only deepened this dissociation as the people who work mostly or only online, have lost the spaces for informal conversations where people still had the chance to share with each other from a more personal dimension.

In the last years this has started to change. In my role as a consultant supporting many different types of organizations across the world, I’ve seen how leaders and organizations have started to move (some faster than others) towards a culture where people can appear more and more “whole” and bring their humanity inside the workplace. This means challenging the old belief of top-down hierarchies and fixed “power over” dynamics and are replacing it with one that is based on authenticity and “power with” dynamics, that are more aligned what Is known as a regenerative culture.

People, young and old who have been burned out by the “old ways of working” (aka keeping up the professional mask), are pushing for workplaces where they can live out their purpose, find nurturing cultures and meaningful relationships, the idea of the cold, distant and commercial relationships that used to be the norm, are seen as outdated and very distant from what we need to appear as a whole person and create regenerative cultures.

Organizations that are interested in learning how to create regenerative cultures should take this concept of wholeness as one of the guiding principles to create incentives for people to work in regenerative ways.

This is not easy, because it requires to people to feel safe enough to drop their masks and appear authentic and vulnerable. Also, for organizations, it means to start thinking about how to incentivize in terms of how this power is used and distributed across the organization. Without a conscious review of how power is used, held and exercised, it is impossible to move towards “power with” dynamics.

Relationships in our personal lives

Each relationship is unique, but all the relationships we have are influenced by our cultural background and traditions. Even if each relationship is unique, we are seeing trends that traditional ways of creating trustful and loving relationships are in crisis (less people are getting married and more people are getting divorced). This means that the tradition of marriage, is being questioned by more people who are deciding to move away from this type of relationships and are open to explore alternative ways of creating, sustaining and having nurturing, loving relationships.

Nowadays, as in every other aspect of life, we are in a moment of transition, exploring new and different types of relationships where love can be shared, and collaboration can happen. On this relational level, we see an increase in the diversity of types of relationships being tested, and I am sure that new traditions will gain traction and will become more common as we discover how to create regenerative ways of relating.

Regardless of the type of relationship we want/can create, personally and/or professionally, there are some foundational aspects that can guide us to open, sustain and nurture regenerative relationships.

I believe the keys to create, sustain and nurture regenerative relationships are:

- Self-awareness and self-confidence. The ability we have to perceive and embrace our emotions, our triggers, our wishes, desires and needs are still a challenge to many of us, who are used to accommodate ourselves to our partner’s (colleagues, bosses, etc.) needs, wishes and desires. It is important to have enough confidence and self-awareness to create relationships where we feel we can appear whole and express our full and true self.

- Communication skills. Relationships can be understood as a continuous conversation that we have with someone. The quality, depth, honesty and effectiveness of these conversations are key for our relationships to be nurturing. Communication models such as Non-Violent Communications (NVC) and others are there to help us improve our communication skills to have deeper and more honest relationships.

- Focus on inner regeneration. Our own personal wellbeing affects (positively or negatively) our ability to engage with others. Creating spaces for personal nurturement, exploration, and self-love is key for us to engage with others from a healthy place instead of a place of scarcity.

- Conflict transformation. It is impossible to avoid conflict in human relationships. The ability we have to hold the emotional and physical tension that comes with conflict, together with the communication skills mentioned above, will support us see conflict as an opportunity to appear more whole in front of others and create space for others to do the same.

- Courage. The invitation is there to explore, be curious, challenge old traditions and limiting beliefs around how loving relationships can be. The ability we have to act in the presence of fear is key for us to be able to navigate uncharted relational waters.

- Good will. This exploration needs to come for a healthy place and not from a hidden intention to “use” the others for my own benefit.

- Transcendental (spiritual) connection. Love is an infinite resource, and we just need to learn how to access this source. For that, I’ve found that solid, meaningful spiritual practices are beneficial to reach and share with our loved one the deeper levels of our soul.

As Giles Hutchins and Laura Storm mention in their book Regenerative Leadership, “there is a deep longing within humanity to become who we truly are: life-stewards, caretakers and co-creators”. For us to create a regenerative future (based on regenerative ways of being), and to be able to steward our life, take care of what is important and co-create a meaningful, inclusive and diverse future for all, I am convinced that we need also to upgrade our (loving) relationships.