Tech addiction and the war on sadness
Tech addiction is so hot right now. My inbox is full of articles and think pieces from brands and the media about how to disconnect to reconnect. Google just launched a ‘paper phone’ to help us get some distance from our devices. There is a palpable fear in the culture right now that our overuse of technology is destroying our wellbeing, our attention and our connection to the real world. And while this may feel true, there is very little empirical evidence to back it up.
Addiction is not about what we do, it is the way in which we do it. You can have a drink without being an alcoholic, you can work late without being a workaholic, and you can use technology without being a tech addict. But when we start using something habitually to get relief from negative feelings we develop an addiction. Being an addict is about not being capable of being present in our own lives. Sometimes this is caused by a deep emotional trauma, but increasingly it is our inability to sit comfortably with any form of unpleasant emotion. Our culture tells us that if we are not happy, that something must be wrong. The self-help machine has declared a war on sadness.
We talk about how technology is distracting us from what is important. That if we were not so distracted by technology we would be happier and healthier. That technology is somehow pulling us away from our default state of being happy and connected.
The truth is that we want to be distracted. We actively seek it out. It is not that the tech companies have built some crack-like product that changes our brain chemistry making it impossible to resist, it’s that we feel like we should never sit with unpleasant emotions for more than a moment if we can help it. Distraction is an unhealthy escape from bad feelings. Technology has become a pain killer that momentarily numbs the pain of being alive.
This all may sound a little bleak, but ultimately embracing this view is liberating. In a recent episode of the Hurry Slowly podcast Rob Walker summed it up well with a quote from the poet Mary Howe. “It hurts to be present”. This is a very Buddhist idea. Life is suffering, and we need to learn how to be present and compassionate towards ourselves and others in the face of that suffering. When we realise that constant happiness is not a realistic expectation we can stop beating ourselves up for not attaining it. The truth is that we are all in pain, it is the default position. Boredom, uncertainty, longing, melancholy. These are normal feelings. We need to make our peace and learn to sit with these emotions.
The danger of using the language of addiction when talking about technology is that we start to feel the need to address our relationship with tech in the same way we have tackled drugs. We talk about ‘digital detox’ and abstinence from technology. But drug prohibition has been a multigenerational failure. Instead of treating those who turn to drugs with kindness and compassion, we meet them with violence. The war on drugs has claimed thousands of lives and made us callous to the people in our society who most need our support.
Technology addiction is a symptom of something deeper; our inability to be present, our unwillingness to feel unpleasant emotions, our cultures war on sadness. In the same way that the war on drugs is unwinnable and wrong-headed so too is the war on sadness. Let’s not try and obliterate negative feelings. Let’s acknowledge them in ourselves and in each other and approach them with kindness and compassion.
Nietzsche said, “There are two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.” Nietzsche saw both Christianity and alcohol as a way to numb pain, and allow us to feel content even when we know deep down that something is wrong. In that way, it is sapping us from the will to become better people. I think what he was getting at here is the idea that distraction kills compassion. Compassion is our ability to be present in somebody else’s pain. If we are not present (or distracted) then we are unable to be compassionate. And in a world with so much division and hate, compassion for one another and ourselves is the more important now than ever.
Let’s have a deeper conversation about tech addiction, and it’s root causes. Let’s not declare war on sadness, let’s make peace with it. Let’s learn to be present, even when it hurts. Because only in this presence can we be there for each other.
