One (Or, Most Likely, More) Bad Thing About Every NBA Team So Far
For the masochists!
You want good news? Go here: https://youtu.be/yoHuAe4Bf5k
You want bad news? Want to trash other teams based on a super small sample size?
Here you go.
1. Atlanta Hawks
Kudos on not running too many isolation plays. But Atlanta is averaging 0.38 points per possession on isolations. So I can understand why.
2. Boston Celtics
Get well soon, Gordon.
I’m only 2 teams in, and I’m already breaking away from the point of the article, but I’m gonna go ahead and say something positive. Boston could use some good vibes.
Context: I love the Orlando Magic, but I live in Boston, so the main teams I watch are the Celtics and Orlando (but I watch the Magic way more). Boston…Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have a coach like Brad Stevens? I’m floored every time I watch Celtics games. It feels like I’m watching a completely different sport. It looks so different. Okay, the best way I can explain it is…imagine the best book you’ve ever read. Celtics basketball like reading that book. Magic basketball is like trying to read this:
3. Brooklyn Nets
Get well soon, Lin.
4. Charlotte Hornets
Still not super confident a player on this team could beat MJ. Or that this team exists. Have fun being the 8-9 seed.
5. Chicago Bulls
Juuuust when you get players that fit into your coach’s system: A) It turns out they really aren’t that good, and B) One of them HOSPITALIZES another after punching them in the face.
And GarPax is still there. Lol.
6. Cleveland Cavaliers
-Lost by 5 to a starting lineup of Spencer Dinwiddie, Caris Levert, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, Demarre Carroll, and Timofey Mozgov.
-Lost by 21 to a starting lineup of D.J. Augustine, Evan Fournier, Terrence Ross, Jonathan Isaac and Nikola Vucevic.
7. Dallas Mavericks
Dirk is fun, but it’s coming at the expense of bringing Nerlens Noel off the bench. Nerlens has been way more efficient, is a better rebounder, and Dirk’s ability to space the floor has dropped significantly.
They're also dead last in points in the paint.
8. Denver Nuggets
It turns out Jameer Nelson was the best player on their team.
They can’t play defense.
9. Detroit Pistons
Detroit is 13th in the league in defensive rating. Small sample size, but still, decent, right? But Detroit is also last in the league in deflections per 36 minutes, and allows the most uncontested shots per game. Those shots are gonna start falling, fans. Be ready.
Google Andre Drummond’s shoulder hair if you dare.
10. Golden State Warriors
Your 6 seed Golden State Warriors!
11. Houston Rockets
Most threes attempted per game. 2nd worst at converting them (28%). CP3 and Harden looked better together than they would’ve if they just took turns playing point guard, but they also didn’t look anywhere near as good as the pairing of Harden and Eric Gordon has. Gordon is averaging 23.4 points per game so far(!)
12. Indiana Pacers
How’s having the second worst defensive rating in the league? (To be fair, Myles Turner is injured)
Your best player looks like a pineapple.
13. Los Angeles Clippers
Better than I expected. Losing Milos is rough. DeAndre Jordan has 1 block so far.
14. Los Angeles Lakers
The Lakers lead the league in turnovers.
15. Memphis Grizzlies
Fun fact: Mike Conley was the first NBA player I ever hated. I think it might stem from him starting over me in 2k13 or something. To be honest, I don’t really remember where it came from. Irrational anger is one of the most fun (and dangerous) things there is. Only tangentially related: one of my close friends told me about how he rode the bench in the D-League in 2k12. That’s sad. Whenever you’re feeling at your lowest, just remember you didn’t ride the bench in the D-(now G) league in 2k.
16. Miami Heat
Miami is the worst team at getting to the line so far (Per 100 possessions).
17. Milwaukee Bucks
Giannis is great. Still can’t shoot. (It doesn’t really matter).
They’re also the worst rebounding team in the league.
18. Minnesota Timberwolves
D E F E N S E
19. New Orleans Pelicans
Cutting Jordan Crawford right after he had a great game in order to add a player at a position you already have too much of seems smart.
Exactly one player listed as a Small Forward has touched the court for New Orleans all season. It’s Darius Miller. (Who?)
20. New York Knicks
You’re the only team without a win so far! Congrats on Kristaps, I guess. Is there a single team in this league that would benefit from starting Enes Kanter? Also, Tim Hardaway Jr. is attempting more than 7 threes a game, and making 23% of them. Tim reminds me a lot of myself. Keep chucking, Tim.
21. Oklahoma City Thunder
Victor Oladipo: 26.0 points, 4.6 rebounds, 2.8 assists, 2.2 steals, 0.8 blocks, 50% fg% per game
Paul George: 18.5 points, 4.5 rebounds, 2.8 assists, 2.5 steals, 0.5 blocks, 38.6% fg% per game
What?
22. Orlando Magic
This level of play isn’t sustainable until 2030.
Also, while Aaron Gordon’s monster 41-point game was incredible, we need to remember some things: 13 of his 18 shots were uncontested (which, you know, is kind of a good thing, because it’s good to get uncontested shots, but also, you know, it’s not too difficult to make those). Also, it was against the Nets.
I still don’t know if Elfrid Payton is good or not.
Orlando is beating San Antonio 34–18 as I write this. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
23. Philadelphia 76ers
I think Markelle will improve, so I’m not gonna focus on him here.
Expectations have been quelled a bit after their 1–3 start. Embiid isn’t shooting all that well from deep so far. This team is young, and it shows. Philly is averaging 25.4 turnovers per game.
I was so shocked when, a few weeks ago, I found out TJ Mcconnell is a terrible shooter. This made me mad, for some reason. I thought he was great from deep. Oh well.
24. Phoenix Suns
Oof. So much. Let’s go for a less obvious one, though.
They pass the ball the least of any team by far. They average 231.4 passes per game (I was actually super surprised to find out how much teams pass. 231 passes in a game seems insane to me.)
25. Portland Trailblazers
I guess no one told them it’s 3 and D players, not 3 or D players.
26. Sacramento Kings
I’m not even looking at anything. The Kings aren’t going to be good for a loooong time.
27. San Antonio Spurs
5–0 without Kawhi. What the hell?
The team with the best record in the NBA is also averaging the least threes attempted per game, 17.5. The Rockets, by contrast, are averaging 41.6. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and they’ll certainly average a few more once they get Leonard back, but wow.
Some players averaging more points per game than Patty Mills: Maxi Kleber, Shane Larkin, Malcolm Delaney, Brice Johnson, Anthony Tolliver (try to match each name here to the team they’re on. I dare you).
They let Jonathan Simmons walk to Orlando for dirt cheap, and he’s doing pretty well. He’s averaging 13.3 points per game on 46% shooting off the bench so far.
28. Toronto Raptors
What happened to the whole “DeMar DeRozan is going to shoot threes now” storyline? He’s averaging 1.5 attempts per game so far (and making 0.5 of them).
29. Utah Jazz
So many turnovers.
30. Washington Wizards
They’re pretty good, but this team feels like it‘s reached it’s peak. Currently 2nd in the league in LACHLATGGFPT (Los Angeles Clippers How Long Are These Guys Gonna Freaking Play Together) Rating, behind the Toronto Raptors. Start making some threes.
