The ____est teams of the 2017–18 NBA Season

With the 2017–18 NBA season over and the Golden State Warriors once again crowned NBA champions, the question of (B)est NBA team this season has finally been answered. But what about other “ests?” Fattest? 19 and Countingest? Least Educated? Etc.

Here you go.

(Fatt)est (Or Thiccest)

No, I don’t mean heaviest. We’re using the outdated “BMI” to get this one… or at least something like it. By dividing each team’s total weight by its total height, here are the “fattest” teams in the NBA. (Kevin Durant isn’t 6'9, by the way, but it’s what he’s listed as, so that’s what we’ll have to go with).

5 Fattest

1. Cleveland Cavaliers (Kendrick Perkins, LeBron James, Channing Frye, respectively)
2. Boston Celtics (Guerschon Yabusele, Greg Monroe, Aron Baynes)
3. Toronto Raptors
4. Indiana Pacers
5. Los Angeles Clippers

5 Lankiest

1. Atlanta Hawks (Josh Magette, Isaiah Taylor, Dennis Schröder)
2. Memphis Grizzlies
3. Washington Wizards
4. San Antonio Spurs
5. Orlando Magic

(Tall)est

Top 5 Longbois

1. Tie: Golden State Warriors, Portland Trailblazers. That’s right. Your “Small-ball Warriors” are the tallest team in the league, with an average height of 6'8, and only two players under 6'6. Surprisingly enough, they also only have two players 7 feet tall. Even with Durant listed at 6'9, they still grab the top spot.
2. Oklahoma City Thunder
3. New York Knicks
4. Sacramento Kings

Those that made the shortlist

1. New Orleans Pelicans (Average height: 6'6)
2. Boston Celtics
3. Houston Rockets
4. Phoenix Suns (Tyler Ulis)
5. Cleveland Cavaliers

(L)e(a)st (Educated)

Teams with the least number of college-educated players.

(Learning how to use parentheses might be an important skill one might learn in college.)

There’s no central source that lists how long every player spent in college. For time-savings sake, this is one is just based on whether or not players went to college. Not that it really matters in terms of intelligence (CC: Kyrie Irving, who went to Duke, and LeBron James, who entered the league right out of high school).

Also, this is essentially a list of the (Least International)est teams, most of these guys just played overseas.

Nothing means anything.

Top 5… Honestly, They’re Probably Just as Smart

1. Utah Jazz (66% college “educated”)
2. San Antonio Spurs
3. New York Knicks
4. Toronto Raptors
5. Cleveland Cavaliers

Top 5 Galaxy Brains

1. Memphis Grizzlies, Los Angeles Lakers (96% college “educated”)
2. Detroit Pistons, Brooklyn Nets
3. Miami Heat

(NBA JAM)est

Teams that dunk the most

Top 5 Vince Carters

1. Los Angeles Clippers (406 dunks)
2. Golden State Warriors (379. Just barely missing out on 380, and, simultaneously, 360)
3. Milwaukee Bucks (372)
4. Utah Jazz (366)
5. Oklahoma City Thunder (359)

Top 5 Luke Ridnours

1. San Antonio Spurs (162. A smidge under 2 dunks per game.)
2. Portland Trailblazers (198)
3. Brooklyn Nets (200)
4. Indiana Pacers (212)
5. Chicago Bulls (215)

(What Are You Doing)est

3 second violations, shot clock violations, illegal defenses, all for the price of one!

Top 5 Brooklyn Nets

1. Brooklyn Nets (117)
2. Chicago Bulls
3. Los Angeles Clippers
4. Milwuakee Bucks
5. Detroit Pistons (Yup, this seems like a pretty accurate list)

Top 5… Wait, What?

1. Cleveland Cavaliers (Wait, what??? J.R. Smith and Tristan Thompson’s Cleveland Cavaliers? The most competent team in the league? Okay.) (54)
2. San Antonio Spurs
3. Dallas Mavericks
4. Sacramento Kings (Wait, what?) (???)
5. Golden State Warriors

(Flagrant)est

Flagrant Fouls + Technicals + Ejections

Top 5 Ejectiest

1. Phoenix Suns (84 total)
2. Golden State Warriors
3. Oklahoma City Thunder
4. Charlotte Hornets
5. Washington Wizards

Top 5 Clean Teams

1. Sacramento Kings (23 total)
2. San Antonio Spurs
3. Cleveland Cavaliers
4. Portland Trailblazers
5. Denver Nuggets

(Fin)est

Teams that had to pay the most in fines.

Top 5 Most Outta Pocket

1. Washington Wizards (Really blowing everyone else out of the water, with $1,055,365 paid out to the league. About 3/4 of this is due to Jodie Meeks 25-game suspension for a positive drug test.)
2. Golden State Warriors
3. Toronto Raptors
4. Charlotte Hornets
5. Utah Jazz

Top 5 Penny Pinchers

1. San Antonio Spurs ($16,000, about 27% of the median U.S. annual income)
2. Sacramento Kings (Getting rid of Boogie affected many different arenas for the Kings, the most important of which was their spot on this list. Congrats.)
3. Denver Nuggets
4. Indiana Pacers
5. New York Knicks

(19 and Counting)est

Team to have the most players play for them this season

Top 5 Who He Play For

1. Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, Milwaukee Bucks, Memphis Grizzlies (24 players)
2. New Orleans Pelicans, Philadelphia 76ers, Dallas Mavericks

Top 5 Small Families

1. Washington Wizards (15 players)
2. Minnesota Timberwolves, Portland Trailblazers
3. San Antonio Spurs, Oklahoma City Thunder, Charlotte Hornets, Golden State Warriors

(The PA guy deserves a break)est

Teams whose players have the most combined letters/characters in their names.

Top 5 Antetokounmpos

1. Milwaukee Bucks
2. Philadelphia 76ers
3. Memphis Grizzlies
4. Dallas Mavericks
5. Atlanta Hawks

Top 5 Nenes

1. Washington Wizards
2. Golden State Warriors
3. Portland Trailblazers
4. Minnesota Timberwolves
5. San Antonio Spurs

So what exactly have we gained from all of this?

Absolutely nothing.

See you next time, folks.