Diary of the Directionless
What happens when the arrows don’t point anywhere
Go back to school. Get a new job. Get another job. Stick to my guns. Try to make the dream happen. Stand firm. Sit still. Always be looking for something more, and always be doing more. Throw all of it out the window in pursuit of something else. Maybe just hide away in the corner from it all. That way, not this way. No. Yes. Maybe.
The train of lamentations, regrets, and resolve is steamrolling in again. One after the other, each offering a different path without the use of a warning whistle or lights to guide the way. All they can do is vomit out options, devoid of opportunity, but relentless in their demands. I want to document these thoughts to capture the intangible sense of having no direction in life.
I have never been clear about the life I’ve wanted to lead in the strictest of definitions. All the typical conventions of such mile makers never seemed to matter to me. My head was always trying to become a cloud and my heart beat for things much more abstract, which I don’t type with an air of snobbery or superiority, but it does give context for the off-kilter way I’ve related to those around me, myself, and what to make of this life.
You should have more by now. You should be more assured of your footing in the world. Why can’t you…
