Doing All We Can — Aren’t We? Finding the Deep Waters of Self-Worth.
My New Year didn’t start too well.
I screwed up big time in my personal life. I don’t want to get you into details because I prefer to leave the thrill of cringe I sometimes provide as the sole amusement of my closest friends.
But I screwed up and my loved ones had a good reason to get angry with me.
The last five days were a nightmare of purgatory — strung somewhere between “he said, she said” and the inevitable facts of hurting some people in the moment of frustration and stupor; elaborate apologies but also a feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness of the only person who could keep me going — me.
Just as hurt subsides over time, guilt does too. It leaves the system with every breath, every good night's sleep, every distraction, a smile. Time, which I used to see as my personal competitor, becomes a friend when I fail.
But still, it has always been difficult for me to disconnect my actions from my own feeling of worth.
The idea of deeds floating on the surface of my life’s events and the dark, deep, still waters of self-worth, safely existing underneath, was only a pretty metaphor. The waters…
