Never-ending Nights
On nights with hotline numbers and past regrets in mind.
My chest drags me down
Beneath my bed covers. My eyes try to cry
But I’m too weak to summon tears.
The same song stays on repeat, a tab open
With the hotline’s number
That I’ll be too timid to call.
I remember how your touch felt, running through my longer hair
I remember when my father left, feeling life just wasn’t fair
A domino effect, bad days beget bad days
And now when I feel good, even then the bad stays.
I wait with baited breath
For the lonesome nights like these
At a loose end writing
As It’s all I have to do.
I remember the envelope you sent
With shreds of paper of things I love
And a warm feeling envelops me, ’til I remember we don’t speak these days.
Silhouettes where friendship was, an abyss where intimacy made its home,
A heavy chest, a hurting heart, dry crying eyes and aching lungs.
A jaw clenched, face drenched, a bloody nose and weakened toes.
‘Early morning wash my swollen hands,
Hit the showers, cleanse my soul and crash.’
I’ll wake up tomorrow
And try to do it all again
Acting like it’s all fine
Like this depression is pretend.
