The Waterhole at Sheraton, Qatar… (bar review)

[Note — the Sheraton was renovated in 2015, presumably they set the old Waterhole bar on fire and never spoke of it again.]

Do not come here. Ever. Never-ever-ever-ever come here. Do not set foot in this place. Do not joke about coming here. I cannot emphasise enough how much you should avoid Waterhole. It is not only the worst dive in all of Doha, it’s quite possibly the worst bar in the entire world. The sort of place where dreams come to knock-back one last shot of alcohol before quietly dying in the corner.

For serious though. Do not come here. The décor looks like it hasn’t been updated since the Sheraton was originally built in 1979 (FYI, it’s Doha’s oldest hotel). The couches look like they were dragged in from the side of the road, the actual bar has those neon signs that were cheap and tacky back in the 80s, and the general ambiance is not unlike a third-world whore house in the middle of a warzone.

Speaking of whore houses; if you’re in the market for haggard Filipino hookers the wrong side of 40 then you’re in luck. Where did they all come from? And why is one of them wearing a Phil Collins Groovy Kind of Love t-shirt. Also, they are mean. Try and take a photo of the hookers and they will try to fight you.

The guys, meanwhile, are an entirely bewildering mix of flamboyantly gay Indians, black dudes wearing Klue Jeans and fake Timberlands like it was 1992, and sleazy British guys in their 50s with the aforementioned hookers on their laps. A special shout-out to the dude at the front entrance pleading with security to let him in — even though he’s wearing a tennis outfit.

Oh, and the security are great. While most places would frown upon middle-aged Arab men lying passed out on couches, around here no one bats an eyelid. And to really add insult to injury, they actually charge five-star hotel prices for their drinks. And the drinks are filled with poison! Probably.

Waterhole is truly, unequivocally, God Awful, and the Sheraton hotel chain should be ashamed of itself for allowing this place to exit. To reiterate — unless you’re into truly heavy irony, avoid this place at all costs.

You can find more tips on living and working in Qatar in my book — God Willing: How to survive expat life in Qatar.