Entry 5: Reflections & Ruminations
Day 75?! What the heck. All the days have kinda become one continuous blur…
Occupation: In transition.
Quarantine Status: Still home!
State of calmness: Eh…I’ve been relatively accepting of my circumstances, but with bouts of restlessness and uncertainty.
Reaction to local/state/federal response to the area: LA is NOT ready to open restaurants. Also, this is unrelated to COVID-19, but FUCK Eric Garcetti’s budget proposal (excuse my French).
Some snippets from the month of May…
Day 56 (5/11)
At 1:39am, I read my journal from 2013. It was crazy. Some takeaways include that I loved lists (still do) and have been a planner since day one, that I’m a sentimental fuck, and that I always knew that future me would go back and read my writing one day. Also, I was angstier than I thought.
I text/message people as their names appear, some of whom I haven’t spoken to in years. I also make a Spotify playlist of my favorite songs from 2013 and listened to it on repeat. Call that ~nostalgia~.
Day 59 (5/14)
In a glimpse into my post-finals life, I wake up at 1pm despite having alarms set for 9:30, 9:45, and 10. I write fan fiction for a couple of hours, do the shred (now Spanish/Portuguese themed) followed by a Google Maps trip to Lima with S, and read my journal from fall 2016 (my first semester of college).
I then give a mini lesson to my family about US government and answered lots of questions. Hopefully it eases their feelings of frustration/helplessness somewhat.
Somewhere between here, commencement happens. Many emotions. I don’t feel ready to write about this day yet. It’s a whole can of worms and a half.
Day 63 (5/18)
I start the class “Buddhism Through Its Scriptures” on Harvard edX with my mother. It’s underwhelming, but we decide to watch some videos anyway, doing watercolors at the same time.
I then attend a webinar for a mock government/law conference for middle schoolers. It’s cathartic for me to reengage with this program because it’s where I first met C, my friend who passed away recently.
Also on the call is A, who I once considered one of my closest friends and was also probably in love with at some point. We had a bad falling out at the end of high school then reconnected a few times throughout the years. We text throughout the webinar and it feels like a blast from the past.
Day 66 (5/21)
I go with E to some sessions for the Greenlining Institute’s Summit on Racial Equity. I learn about Kendi’s concept of being an anti-racist and am inspired by other community leaders’ discussion of resilience at the intersection of climate change & COVID.
My mother surprises me with a tea tasting for the 1st ever International Tea Day. Did you know that tea has always been a staple in Chinese society? (柴米油盐酱醋茶 = the 7 staples, translating to firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, and tea). Also, apparently all tea comes from the same plant, and the differentiations are due to processing(!!!)
I go over health insurance and other adult things with my dad (overwhelming af) and learn about why tort reform is BS in the evening’s mini lecture. I think about how I miss school and reconsider (once again) my relationship with the legal profession.
Somewhere between here, Khojin leads the people of Mongolia to overthrow Genghis Khan and instate a feminist rule surrounding the cultish Yellow Dragon symbol.
Day 69 (5/24)
This is a busy day! My new nephew is born!!
I do the morning shred (not as regular of an occurrence over the last few weeks, sadly), watch cartoons with my older nephew (11am is my designated time to babysit), read some of Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari (mixed feelings), and have a family acupuncture session.
It is creative writing time! I write a lot today. I write a letter to my favorite song, a somewhat angsty poem about feeling like I’m in every single stage of life at once, a way more fun poem about the Room of Requirement, and the beginning of my next fanfic.
I have my routine afternoon family tea, participate in S’s saloon, then social-distance-hang in my front yard with my good friend T from high school. T facetimes B out of the blue and invites him. B is one of the only people I know who, after receiving a call from two people he hasn’t spoken to in months, could be counted on to show up within 20 minutes. Sure enough, he does.
I watch some Yongzheng (Qing dynasty show) with my parents, then Act 2 of A Very Potter Musical while texting R, my best friend from high school who’s been out of the country for 8 months. I’m ecstatic that she’s finally coming home, and we end up talking til 3am. Oops.
Throughout this time, I’ve continued texting former friends/dates/lovers/etc as they appear in my journals, leading to some pretty interesting ~closure~ conversations/potential reconnections. One of these convos led me to re-take the political compass test and send it to everyone. The memes are great.
Day 72 (5/27)
I TAKE MYSELF ON A DATE!! This is the best idea ever.
We go to a nearby canyon and red Foucault under a tree, apart from the hiking trails. We read our spring 2019 journal and write more fan fiction on some grass, enjoying our own/each other’s company. We drive around aimlessly, belting alternative music and feeling cool. We go running at the beach and jump into the ocean, finally! Wow, this date is a keeper! I’ve never felt so understood!!
Day 75 (5/30)
I wake up for the Summer 2020 shred! Feeling reenergized.
I spend my nephew time of the day, eat, then help moderate the middle schoolers on Zoom— they are so cute! I run the creative writing session for the day, which I title “Transitions.” I write about the Albus Dumbledore quote, “To the well-trained mind, death is but the next great adventure.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
I call S and am reminded of how much I miss his goofy smile. I resolve to visit when I’m able to.
