Struggling to Focus on the Positives
This week’s quarantine diariest spends some time watching Madam Secretary and playing with her dogs.
Age: 21
Occupation: Student at Yale University studying Math & Statistics; Class of 2020
Current Location: Los Gatos, CA, USA
Quarantine Status: Working/Studying from Home
State of calmness: I am relatively calm. I am happy to be in California with family as opposed to alone in my apartment in Connecticut.
Policy response: We are under shelter-in-place. I am happy with the actions taken by the state of California to protect its people. The lack of a coordinated federal response, however, is an embarrassment.
Opening thoughts:
I returned home from school for spring break about five weeks ago and have yet to go back to retrieve my things from my apartment. Obviously, this isn’t a palatable — much less ideal — situation for most of us, but I believe we are all much more resilient and adaptable than we think. I feel proud to be from and in California, where leadership has acted decisively and quickly to protect us. I am committed to doing my part, and I am pleased with the way I have adjusted to this new reality. This situation has also encouraged me to reflect on the immense privilege I have in being surrounded by family and having a safe place to call home.
Day 1 (4/13):
8:00am — Woke up naturally. I almost never set an alarm. Stayed in bed for a little before getting up around 8:30.
9:00am — Took a workout class on my bike. Rushed into the shower and shoveled cereal down my throat before my 10:00 meeting.
10:00am — Had a meeting with my thesis advisor. After many months, I finally had an initial batch of results to share!
11:00am — Graded the remaining half of the problems for the Stats class I TA for. Ate lunch.
2:30pm — My dad and I took my dog for an hour-long walk at our local community college. The combination of the lethargy-inducing weather (75, sunny, slightly humid) and fatigue from my workout made this walk very slow.
5:30pm — I was supposed to hold online office hours, but a) I was so tired and b) my iPad pencil was malfunctioning. I rescheduled them to the next day.
6:30pm — Ate dinner and binged Madam Secretary. The inspirational main character of this show keeps me hooked — she serves as a model for an ethical decision maker who always tries to do the right thing, even when faced with dire consequences.
10:00pm — Called my boyfriend. Fell asleep immediately after.
Day 2 (4/14):
7:30am — Woke up. Stayed in bed for a little before getting up around 8:00.
8:30am — Took another workout class on my bike. Showered while staring at the freeloading Daddy Longlegs that hangs out on the ceiling. Ate cereal. Made (and was underwhelmed by) instant coffee.
10:00am — Wrote a discussion response for a seminar I’m currently taking. Ate lunch. Found out that my dad ordered an espresso machine (!!). Listened to Governor Newsom’s daily briefing. Fangirled over his leadership style and emphasis on protecting Californian lives above all with a close friend. Prepared for my postponed office hours. Called the pharmacy about a prescription. Worked on a take-home exam due in a few days.
5:30pm — Office hours time. There were only a couple people in attendance, likely due to my school’s adoption of a universal Pass/Fail grading policy for the semester.
7:00pm — Ate dinner. Watched another episode of Madam Secretary.
8:30pm — Walked my dog for just under an hour with my dad. I wish we had gone earlier. I really dislike walking in the dark, but unfortunately, nobody had time to walk the little beast earlier.
10:00pm — Called my boyfriend. After a few days of postponing, we finally did our pushup challenge together. Fell asleep immediately after (around 11).
Day 3 (4/15):
8:30am — Woke up. Had a slow morning. Was again disappointed by the taste and potency of instant coffee.
10:00am — Tuned in to my class. Wrote another discussion response (the topic of which was epidemics, of all things). Made some progress on my thesis. Set it aside once coding errors became too frustrating. Ate lunch.
2:00pm — Took a workout class on my bike followed by a 30-minute bootcamp. Showered. Ate a little more.
4:30pm — Helped my dad wipe down and unload some groceries. Cuddled my dog. Suddenly began to feel exhausted. Didn’t do much for the rest of the evening.
7:30pm — Ate dinner. Had some ice cream after. Online window-shopped. Painted my nails a very pleasant grey-taupe color.
10:00pm — Called my boyfriend. Stretched for 20 minutes. Responded to all my texts.
11:30pm — Fell asleep.
Day 4 (4/16):
7:30am — Woke up.
8:30am — Took another cycle class and forced myself to get through ten minutes of abs afterwards. Showered. Ate breakfast.
10:45am — Walked my dog for a little over an hour with my dad. Responded to emails. Scarfed down my favorite peach Greek yogurt.
12:30pm — Ate lunch. Finished my take-home exam. Decided to take most of the afternoon off. Realized that at least part of my lack of productivity could be explained by the fact that I didn’t have a coffee in the morning.
5:00pm — Baked vanilla cookies. I thought they turned out just okay (we were out of eggs, so I had to improvise), but my parents liked them! Ate dinner after.
7:30pm — Vacuumed my room using my parents’ vacuum (which I despise — I miss my handheld wet-dry vacuum). Took the trash out and cleaned some more.
10:00pm — Called my boyfriend, then went on Soundcloud for about an hour. Rediscovered some old Illenium gems.
11:30pm — Dreaded the amount of work I had to do the next day. Went to bed.
Day 5 (4/17):
8:00am — Woke up after sleeping really poorly. I had several bad dreams; fortunately, I remember none of them.
9:00am — Took a cycle class. Felt really sore and tired. Showered. Inhaled waffles and coffee. Played with my pups.
11:00am — Worked on a class presentation that I’m giving next week. Double-checked and submitted my take-home exam. Took the time to actually make a decent lunch (egg whites with cheese and two kinds of fried potatoes with some greens on the side). Scarfed it down in about five minutes.
3:00pm — Walked my dog with my dad. This walk was particularly uneventful.
4:30pm — Picked up my prescription from a nearby Walgreens drive-through. Worked on an assignment for my deep learning class.
7:30pm — Ate dinner and called it (work-wise) for the night. Spent a LOT more time on Soundcloud.
10:00pm — Called my boyfriend.
11:30pm — Got off the phone. I couldn’t sleep so I watched a few YouTube videos. I probably fell asleep around 1.
Day 6 (4/18):
8:30am — Woke up.
9:30am — Took a cycle class that felt particularly tough. Pushed through the fatigue anyway. Did a quick 20-minute strength workout after. Showered. Inhaled waffles.
11:00am — Helped my dad clean and unload groceries. Ate a few slices of the banana bread my mom had just made.
12:30pm — Worked on my deep learning assignment.
2:30pm — Ate lunch. Read a book (for fun).
4:00pm — Walked my dog with my dad.
5:00pm — Did a little more work for deep learning. Worked on my class presentation. Felt very annoyed about the amount of work I was doing. Wished that I could just graduate and be done.
8:00pm — Ate dinner.
8:30pm — Alternated between reading my book (Doing Justice by Preet Bharara), listening to music, and working on the aforementioned presentation from hell.
11:00pm — Called my boyfriend quickly to say goodnight.
12:00am — Fell asleep.
Day 7 (4/19):
8:45am — Woke up.
10:00am — Took a cycle class. Showered. Ate the delicious banana bread my mom made yesterday along with some of my favorite Greek yogurt.
11:15am — Alternated between reading my book and finishing up the slides for my presentation. Ate lunch.
1:45pm — FINALLY finished my slides. Read in more-or-less peace until it became time to take my dog for a walk with my dad.
2:45pm — Walked my dog with my dad. This walk went on for about an hour and ten minutes.
4:15pm — Finished my book while snacking, then fixed a bug in my thesis. I was unable to fix this bug for almost three hours earlier in the week…but today, I sat down and fixed it within 30 minutes. Weird.
6:00pm — Zoomed my boyfriend and a mutual friend of ours.
7:00pm — Tidied up my room. There’s something about the way it’s organized that’s bothering me so much, but I can’t figure out what that thing is. Ate dinner. Relaxed.
9:30pm — Called my boyfriend quickly to say goodnight.
10:30pm — Went to sleep.
Closing thoughts:
I struggle with focusing on the positives when lives and livelihoods are needlessly being lost. The ability to find things to be grateful about during this time as well as even survive a destabilized economy goes hand-in-hand with privilege.
