Feeling fickle with your free time
I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king — Frank Sinatra
Update (April 2022).
I first wrote this article in March of 2020, 2 years ago, maybe a little before or a little after the pandemic affected our lives. At the time, I suppose I looked to this article and imagined that I’d be able to jump back into my hobbies and interests in a few months. And as we know, that didn’t happen.
Since then, I’ve changed — I draw, but I don’t post the work. I don’t boulder anymore (hurt my shoulder in mid-2021), butI have a smattering of physical activities to keep me relatively fit. I write, but I only recently started publishing some stuff, and they aren’t really regarding self-help. There still is value in this article — keeping yourself on track, deciphering the reasons for seeking your hobbies — all reasonable.
But let me put this out there — the real TL;DR.
If you’re seeking a hobby, do it, maybe you’ll fall in love with your hobby and it’ll become a part of who you are.
But if you’re seeking a distraction, find out why you feel like you want to be distracted. It wasn’t until I started taking therapy in 2021 and talking to a professional that I realized that for the last few years of my life, I simply wanted to be distracted, because I was unhappy and anxious. Don’t try to fill those voids with distractions — it won’t reconcile.
Thanks for taking the time,
Sid.
—
Original article follows:
Part 1: Fickle hobbies? What does that even mean?
I’d like to point out something that I imagine a lot of young adults face, especially after college: Feeling fickle about their passions, their hobbies. Yeah you earn some money, you have some me-time, and whoo, can’t wait to spend it on something that’s gonna make you better before you start having to worry about the ever-increasing responsibilities in your life. But then, something happens. Your hobbies start to fade and shrivel (like the avocados that you probably should’ve used two days ago) and change, and you find yourself wondering, what the heck happened?
Let’s talk about that.
Fickle. The definition, as provided by Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary is as follows: marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability : given to erratic changeableness. Does that sound like your stance on your hobbies?
Well it’s definitely me with my hobbies. Over the past year, I’ve tried (mostly unsuccessfully AKA not getting anywhere really substantial) many, many things in my free time: Tango dancing, martial arts, bouldering, yoga, learning a different language, and building an app.
I don’t know about you, but the churn and the start/stops have the potential to wreak havoc on the stability of my mindset.
Does this sound like you? Let’s talk about why.
Part 2: Identifying the Problems
I’ve been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
Hobbies are hard to keep track of, right? I mean, take a look at the long-forgotten gym memberships of those New-years resolutioners. Take a glance at the hoarded unread books in your neighbor’s bookshelf (the anti-library has to be read at some point, Karen). How about that pasta-maker that’s on your counter gathering dust?
You’re not alone. In fact, many of the people around you probably feel that way too.
Let’s talk about the main problems with hobbies these days.
1) You’re exhausted, distracted and there’s not a lot of time in the day.
Joe wakes up at 6:30am, Joe gets ready waits in traffic for an hour and finally gets to work at 8:30. Joe gets out of a long day of work at 6:00pm and gets home at 7:30pm, because guess what, there’s another accident on Route 1.
You’re tired and you’re stressed about the next day. It’s way too easy to just hop on Instagram or turn on the TV.
2) There’s too many options out there.
The advents of the 21st century right? You can do so, so many things. Just take a look at all of the e-courses you can take, the online programs you can apply to, the different recipes you can learn, the different cameras and lenses you can buy, the different martial arts programs you can join, and oh wait how about…
Yeah. It’s way too much. And guess what, when you pick one, how do you know that’s the best one for you?
Oh just picked up Spanish, have you Ben? But Janet there read an article saying that Mandarin is definitely going to be the go-to corporate language in 200 years, so might as well get ahead of the curve… right?
Picked up writing articles on Medium? Wait wait, mom started investing in Robinhood and made $2000 over the past year, so you should probably make better use of your time… right?
Picked up Bouldering, have you? Good luck climbing your way out of an alley when Jack the RipTok-er starts running after you, you should almost certainly get into Krav Maga... right?
Sigh. Might as well hit that quit button on your monthly membership and just try out the next thing right?
3) The learning curve just doesn’t seem to match with your passion about the hobby. AKA the effort doesn’t seem worth it.
Hello to stepping on my partners’ toes multiple times when trying to pick up tango dancing because I’ve never taken a dance class, and wait a second, this is one of the most spontaneous dance forms and is meant for experienced individuals. Yeah, I probably should’ve swallowed my ego and went for something a little more in line with salsa.
Part 3: SOLUTIONS
I pick myself up and get back in the race.
Step 1) Have a purpose
Why are you starting something?
Is it for a person? Is it because you think it’d make your Tinder bio look more interesting? Is it because you saw a Free Solo documentary and goddamn if that Alex Honnald isn’t the coolest guy you’ve ever seen and if he can do it, maybe you can get into it too?
Hey, all of these are not-so-good reasons to get into something, because they’re all built on a foundation that isn’t stable. People come and go, intrigues start and fade, and guess what, you need to swallow your pride.
A more stable foundation is you. Do something for you and your long-term goals. Like for instance — getting into running: it fits in line with your goals of losing weight and potentially increasing the longevity of your life, which does good by you. Why are you picking up Spanish? Oh, well it’s because I want to increase my value in my community service work by engaging with a relatively underrepresented minority and making them feel a little more comfortable.
Step 2) Set yourself up for success
I’d say setting yourself up for success is probably the hardest and most essential part of turning that hobby that you’re interested in into a habit that informs you.
Pick something that you’re actually interested in (see step 1) that’s within your realistically graspable range. A lot of hobbies have a high barrier to entry (sword-swallowing, for instance, is probably not for those that don’t have a flexible throat), either because they necessitate some form of prerequisite training/skills, are out of your budget ($) range, or require time that you don’t have. Find one that has a low barrier to entry (ex. reading, or joining a 24 hour fitness gym).
Pick one, just one. Yeah, I know you want to do it all, but it doesn’t work like that, Tears for Fears. Consider linking the hobby to a stable pre-existing behavior in your life (ex. meditating after a shower). Careful adding things after work: I realize that a problem I’ve faced, is that my work hours aren’t as stable as I’ve thought, so it’s become a challenge to hit the gym after work (combine that with the tiredness and now you’ve got a perfect storm of “this isn’t happening tonight”).
Set realistic goals. You’re not going to paint the Mona Lisa on your first day painting. You’re not going to bench 300 lbs in your second month lifting. But with any good plan, you’re going to need to set realistic goals. My recommendation, find a plan that’s worked for a sample that fits your demographic, and join the bandwagon instead of building your own from the start.
This is where apps can be helpful, but here’s the problem that I’ve run into in the past: notifications. Yuck. Everytime I see a notification from an app reminding me to do something that I can’t do at that moment, I swipe it away and feel a tinge of guilt. Over time my mind cancels out the notification as noise. Here’s my advice. Just skip app notifications altogether. If you’re adding one hobby, and you’re linking it to a pre-existing behavior, you shouldn’t worry too much about being reminded of it by an app notification.
My personal favorite, recognize the small wins. We seem to be all about the big Personal Records, and the completion of a novel, that we forget what makes those possible — the small wins, the little milestones that you accomplish that build up over time to make that kick-ass victory possible.
Step 3) Have something to hold you accountable
Here’s why you need this. When you’re tired, or your motivation is lacking, or you’re feeling disillusioned, you’re going to want to quit your hobby. This will be the thing that holds you to it. This can be a person (hooray for gym buddies), or a tracking app, or a membership where you can’t back out for the contracted time. Up to you.
That’s life
Own your hobby. Make it a habit. It’s a part of you. Let it complement you and inform the you of tomorrow.
-S.D.
