How to survive the loneliness epidemic…
According to the New York Times, loneliness is “proven to be worse for health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” That’s pretty shocking when you think about how many people are lonely.
Have you ever been lonely in a big city? I have. When I first moved away from home, at first to University, then to the US and then finally to Berlin, I experienced periods of intense loneliness. Sometimes they were productive, romantic, beautiful even. And at other times, they were nightmarish. It took me years to navigate how to be alone and how to be part of a group, how to build a home with others without losing part of myself to the group’s identity, and how to balance alone time with being an active community member. Now, at age 30 (an elder Millennial) I can look back on 10 years of living in squats, alone, in flat shares, with partners, and with best friends, and see the patterns, both positive and negative. In big cities around the world, young people are feeling the creeping loneliness of the metropolis.
Loneliness has been shown to affect your mental and physical health. It’s shown to negatively affect heart health, as well as be detrimental to your happiness.
At Quarters we think a lot about how to tackle the loneliness epidemic. We’ve thought of a few things you can do in the city to get out there, meet some people and maybe make some lasting connections.
Turn off your phone and talk to your neighbours.
Sorry to sound bossy but turn off your phone and talk to your neighbours. It sounds easy doesn’t it? But, its not. In an age of intense communication, why is loneliness such a huge problem? Psychology Today states that “In the last 50 years, rates of loneliness have doubled in the United States.” We have access to more people than ever. Our tech enabled society means we can reach out easier than before, whether its across cities or continents, we have the capacity to connect better than at any other point in human history. Anecdotally it’s easy to suggest that this ease of communication devalues communication itself. I don’t ascribe to this opinion though. I think humans have often been lonely, I’d say we were lonely before the mobile phone, before the landline even. I am however, a big advocate for turning off your phone, or at least the notification part- no hate to those who use Apps to meditate, you’re looking after yourself and that’s noble. Technology addicts have been shown to experience acute and frequent loneliness. Even if it’s for one night a week, setting a no phone time rule and having a chat is good for you.
Do activities with your community.
community cooking, classic life at Quarters
As of 2023 “all GPs in England will be able to refer patients experiencing loneliness to community activities and voluntary services.” These planned activities will include cooking, dancing, art groups, and walking clubs. Loneliness in the UK is often perceived as a result of the closure of community spaces like youth clubs and public pools. To combat this, according to www.gov.uk, £1.8m will be provided by the British Government “to increase the number of community spaces available — the funding will be used to transform underutilised areas, such as creating new community cafes, art spaces or gardens.” 2023 is a long way away though and what about those of us who aren’t looking to foxtrot around a village hall or join a running club? What is clear is the importance of investment in community spaces, whether by public or private providers. If you don’t have a community to do activities with, I suggest you find one. Enroll in cookery classes, find a tandem partner or move in with people who value community engagement, and no, Mukbangs on youtube don’t count. Any activity is better than none, play video games, watch a movie, decorate cupcakes, find a club you want to be part of and join in.
Divide your public and private spaces.
This might sound strange but privacy is a big part of not feeling lonely. You could say that the tortoise only comes out of its shell because it knows it can go back in whenever it wants. It’s hard in a traditional flatshare or family to set boundaries on what is private and what is public space. It’s hard to invest in making your space nice for you, not for instagram or your flatmates. I’d recommend you follow the Hygge teaching trend and invest in cozyness for your private space.
Volunteer
Volunteering isn’t just about helping others, there’s a selfish side and that side is you helping yourself to a big dose of social interaction. Obviously not all volunteer positions are people facing but almost all of them have some social aspect. If you work on your own, like many of us do now, volunteering can provide you with a sense of purpose and with social interaction. You probably have a skill to teach or an hour to spare.
Do Sports
There are a lot of places to do sports in a group, Crossfit, Soulcycle, yoga classes, and Running Clubs to name a few. Some sports are famous for developing a sense of camaraderie and fun, looking at you pole dancing. It can be daunting at first but doing something that will get your heart rate up in a group is a great way to make new friends and improve your mood in general. Getting those endorphins will lead to more confidence both in the class and outside of it. Many of the people who lead classes are certified personal trainers, they’re often experienced at facilitating social interactions and are encouraged to be empathetic, keeping an eye out for those in the class. If you want to ensure you build a relationship through exercise and you have the money, hiring a personal trainer can be a great way to hit both fitness and social goals. It’s hard to feel lonely with someone who encourages you, caters a workout to your particular needs and tracks your progress.
Co-Live
I think you knew this was coming but with community members of many co-living providers saying that they feel they’ve found their tribe through co-living, it’s hard not to suggest co-living as a solution to the loneliness epidemic. As the British Government prepares to invest in community spaces it finds itself about 10 years behind the co-living movement which prides itself on turning every common area, whether it’s the games room or the laundry, into a community space. With most co-living providers offering community managers who plan socials and events, there is a lot of support for recent transplants to new environments. Give yourself a helping hand and consider moving into a place with an existing network of people looking to connect.
Visit quarters to see if there’s a place for you to #liveyourpassion here.
