Review: Christmas with the Kranks (2004)
In its own middlebrow, noxiously “tasteful” way, this is one of the most offensive films I’ve ever seen. I’m not speaking on the level of race, gender, or sexuality, which as a lack of diverse representation, is a systematic issue. The film most definitely puts the “white” in “White Christmas” and does nothing to question or deviate from the cookie cutter gender roles of the 1950s, but as people, the characters are all human enough and given their dignity. But this is a film whose very premise is problematic not in that it attacks any specific group, but in the way it almost overtly demonizes the very notion of nonconformity and individuality.
I don’t think that one would have to change much in the script of Christmas with the Kranks to turn it into a subtle satire, as the world of the film is already so nearly dystopic. Reminiscent of George Orwell’s 1984, at its core this is a story about two people who dare to rebel against arbitrary, oppressive social norms and are persecuted and eventually brainwashed by the all-powerful majority. It’s the story of a married couple who, dejected by the absence of their daughter for the first holiday season of her life, are simply disillusioned at the prospect of tiresome, costly rituals in the name of performative normalcy, and quite selflessly so. They seem to be a fairly healthy couple, and they quietly decide to do something for their own enjoyment for a change. Innocently they neglect the ostentatious displays of a bastardized, commercialized holiday that their neighbors and authorities expect them to playact, and their reaction is a sense of anger.
The masses are confused, startled, and even threatened by this small act of rebellion. What does it really mean for them. On one level, it means that the Krank house will not shine brightly with the usual plastic, mass-produced decorum, and that the Krank family will not be spending their valuable time and resources to invite entitled guests into their home for the traditional Christmas Eve party.
In response, the neighbors mobilize to make the Kranks feel threatened and unwelcome in their home. They stand in their yard and make demands, and even the children work like sentinels to make sure that their are eyes on the transgressors at all times. But what has this married couple actually done by unselfishly deciding to take time for themselves? While maintaining a polite disposition (until the harassment becomes overwhelming) and never inhibiting any one else’s right to celebrate the holiday, how have the Kranks brought such turmoil upon themselves?
The sad, scary part is that the film actively embraces the fervor of the crowd and actively criticizes, even demonizes the choice of the Kranks. First, there is a slight divide in the couple from the start, with Luther Krank’s enthusiasm for the prospect of taking a cruise constantly undermined by his reluctant wife. The idea does not actually seem unappealing to her however, but rather she is nervous at the prospect of abandoning routine and the backlash to come with it. When her worries come to fruition, both she and her husband try their best to maintain their neighborly disposition, but where Nora Krank subsists in fear, seemingly ready to cave in at any moment, Luther becomes defiant, militant even.
He takes action — innocuous acts of self-defense in reality — and the film itself chastises him for it. He is punished by the disapproval from his wife, from the lack of peace and stability with the neighbors, and by the trial of slapstick violence that the movie puts him through. Then just as the day of their departure from this hell finally approaches, they receive a phone call. Blair is coming home after all, and so the escape plan must be abandoned.
Nora is relieved and Luther is frustrated, but nonetheless the two unite to make last minute preparations for their daughter, ensuring that her routine is not disturbed at any cost. In fact, Nora mentions several times that the notion of the cruise should not even be mentioned to Blair, lest she should realize her parents’ childish plan. Even now that the Kranks have submitted to the weight of the universe, they must be punished a bit more. They are frantic and unable to pull things together, but just as they are at their wits’ end, society forgives them. The neighborhood comes together with such succinctness and willingness that it’s hard to imagine that the whole thing wasn’t foreseen. Predicted or not, the return to normalcy thrills the neighbors, and they are more than happy to restore what they consider the rightful order to their neighborhood.
To summarize a messy and overlong denouement, Luther gives the cruise package away to their ailing neighbors, Blair has found true love, and Nora is moved by her husband’s “true goodness”. One could argue that it was the return of their daughter that made the Kranks achieve true tranquility, but the film absolutely fails to make that case, and with flying colors. Blair is an object, not a character but a mere plot device to keep the Krank family from succeeding in their escape from conformity. Her absence is never in question until it’s convenient for the film’s agenda, and until the sudden revelation that Blair is able to come home for Christmas after all, there is absolutely no reason presented as to why the Kranks should not be allowed to take their vacation, whether by the community or the Kranks themselves. It is simply the prospect of change and abnormality that presents an issue.
Christmas with the Kranks is on no other level an enjoyable or even especially competent film. All ideology and ethics aside (which is hard to do given their overwhelming presence here) it is a visually bland, abundantly fake film, full of the most egregious racking focus, plastic sentimentality, and passionless direction imaginable. I can even look past my arbitrary disdain for Tim Allen and admit that he and Jamie Lee Curtis really did about everything they could as actors to make this work, but it was a doomed production from the start. With a script that quite bluntly preaches the virtues of conformity and without the slightest hint of artistry or genuine humanity in sight, Christmas with the Kranks becomes one of the most nauseating films that I have ever seen. As fodder for Donald Trump’s America and the dystopian view of a homogenized world that it embodies, the film is just a little too terrifying to write off as mere drivel.
