Queer Kids in Singapore (Part 1)
Introduction
The first quarter of 2021 has seen the arrest of three protesting against the prevalence of transphobia in schools in Singapore.
This came shortly after the story of Ashlee’s mistreatment in her school was brought to light in a Reddit thread which subsequently went viral on social media.
Today, we’d like to present an interview with Elijah who recently graduated from a school in Singapore and who also runs the Instagram account, My Queer Story SG.
Q&A with Elijah Tay
1. What are some things you might like to say to your peers about being queer?
To my queer friends, I want you to know that regardless of where you are at in figuring yourselves out or navigating spaces or even if these are things that aren’t on your minds, by choice or otherwise, that you are not alone in this.
And it is okay even if you can’t find a label you completely resonate with, not want to label yourselves, or even realise that your labels change along the way, because being queer is so complex, and beautifully so. Being queer is simply being — existing and living unapologetically as who you are and who you can become.
To my friends outside the LGBTQ+ community, I understand that you cannot completely understand the discrimination we face even in our daily lives, but I wish and know that you will take the effort to educate yourselves to better emphasise with us and fight alongside us for a greater equality.
That you can really use your privilege for good, while also redistributing your privilege. Because being queer also means being seen and treated as less in a society that brands itself as “equal” when it simply isn’t. When policies and structures don’t change, the least we can do as a humanity is to allow our hearts and actions to.
2. What would you like to say to your teachers about being part of the LGBT community?
To my teachers, I want you to understand that the aforementioned structural discrimination includes that which we face in school as well. That being said, I also know that these structural barriers also prevent you from freely expressing your humanity toward queer students.
I want you to understand that being queer also means that being in school is a constant gamble of our safety and mental health, because the system does not equip all of you to be empathetic and non-discriminatory (And I’m not even talking about anti-discriminatory here), so as people inhabiting leadership positions in the hierarchy of schools, please exercise your power to stand up for and protect us. Ideally that would also include fighting the system itself that suppresses us.
I know that some of you are doing that, and I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, but this message is for most teachers in general.
The system is rigged, fighting it is important, and so is educating yourselves as educators as well.
3. Are you out in school and have you faced any bullying in school for being queer?
I have not formally come out in school per se, but I do present myself to be more masculine, especially with my short hair. And this raises brows in a conservative Chinese-dominant school since the sex indicated on my IC is “F”.
On top of this, I have also been vocal on topics with regards to the LGBTQ+ on my social media. So, the discrimination I have faced typically come from the assumption of my queerness. Unfortunately, the discrimination that I have faced come from both the staff and the students.
From students, it is disappointing that the discrimination comes from my own batch mates hiding behind their screens. They have come in the form of troll messages and also overt discrimination.
In one instance, I received a DM that sounded like a closeted queer teen in distress and seeking support with regards to this, and when I offered some advice and encouragement, he abruptly responded with “It’s fine I’ve changed my ways and I’m straight now after getting raped in class”, quickly following up with “Sorry that was my friend.”
In another instance, another batch mate left some comments on the first post of @queersoflh that outrightly antagonises the community.
At the staff level, the incident that left the deepest scar on me was when a teacher, before an audience of three quarters of my cohort, said to me that for as long as I was wearing a skirt, she would take me as female, and that if I wanted to be a guy, I should wait for my next life.
I think what hit harder after that was that when I asked around after the lecture, not a lot of people found her comment offensive, or even insensitive. When I finally got to raise this up to a school leader two years after the incident, some things they said included telling me to respect different people’s opinions, not to feel too hurt, and that what the teacher had said may or may not have been discrimination.
So often, we talk about bullying as if children are the problem. Sure, they are, but how can they really be blamed if it is the adults we are taught to look up to perpetuating the exact same problems.
4. Conversely, have you had support?
As much as I have faced a lot of unpleasant and hurtful moments in this school, I have to owe it to the silently supportive community for pulling me through.
Fun fact: it was actually some of my friends who helped me through my questioning phase for me to navigate the societal conventions that had long been entrenched in me for me to finally come to terms with my queerness. They have also been very supportive in my activism, such as helping to share about a petition I created in 2018 to push for education on the LGBTQ+ community, as well as share about @myqueerstorysg.
I had been an anonymous admin on @queersoflh until recently, so most of my friends did not actually know about me running this page. But I do see their likes on the posts I upload, and sometimes sharing these posts on their stories as well, which are supportive actions that really affirm and motivate me to do what I do for the community, in the community.
5. What do you think can be done to improve the lives of queer students in schools here in Singapore?
Policies definitely have to change, since a lot of discrimination stems from systemic discrimination from institutional flaws (Just as it is for many other justice issues.)
At the core of it, education itself has to be revised to be more inclusive, especially the Sex Education curriculum, as well as language that teachers use in class, such as using “they/them” pronouns when referrring to someone of an unknown gender rather than saying “he or she” so that they introduce the habit of using more gender-inclusive language.
Speaking of which, teachers also need to be equipped with knowledge and empathy for the LGBTQ+ community themselves as well — there is no reason for a student to be more educated than someone given the title as “educator”.
This brings us to the changes that need to happen at the structural level, for there to be policies to protect LGBTQ+ students and to provide them with relevant resources and support. This is in contrast to the current system where most schools are obliged to force the student to come out to their parents if they came out to their counsellor or teacher.
Another thing that would really help is if there were organisations within schools advocating for the LGBTQ+ community, or at least starting conversations with regards to the community, such as Gender Collective and transNUS.
These are only seen at the University level to my knowledge, and I think it is important that we are visible even in other tertiary, secondary, and primary schools as well.
Learning starts from a young age and without positive, or even objective portrayal of LGBTQ+ persons or the community, especially with IMDA restrictions that only allow for negative portrayals of this community (which our broadcasting channels do), it is difficult for people to form a healthy perspective towards the community, or even towards themselves when they realise they are a part of the community (i.e. internalised homophobia).
I think one other thing that would really help is to provide queer students with mental health resources. While queerness is not a mental health issue per se, there are many mental health implications resulting from the stress of being queer in a society and environment that constantly invalidates and oppresses us.
6. Is there anything else you might like to say?
The core of what drives me to do anything and everything that I do is love.
I believe that this opens the door to amazing things like empathy and kindness and purpose.
It is with love that we care and it is in love that we make the effort to understand someone else, even if they have drastically different mindsets.
So I would encourage everyone to find space in your lives and hearts for love, because not it is truly the most powerful force in moving you towards greatness, but it will also mobilise you to change the world, your society, your social circle, or even just a single person, bringing about greater equality and justice in our world.
Love everyone, even if they have done something terrible, because it is with love that we find the capacity and space to see their potential and continue working in growing their characters, for them to mature and open their minds to the diverse reality of our world. After all, none of us are all-knowing, and we have a lot to learn and grow together.
Conclusion
This is the first of a multi-part series where we ask queer kids in Singapore schools about their life.
Watch this space for the next instalment coming up!
