Why I’m Glad I’m a Lesbian
Despite the discrimination I face, I’m grateful to be who I am.
As terrible as 2020 has been, for the most part, something amazing happened in my personal life this year. I finally realized I’m actually a lesbian, not bisexual as I’d previously thought for several years.
Coming to terms with the fact that my “attraction” to men was never genuine has been a bit scary, to say the least. Society dictates that a woman’s ultimate goal should be to settle down with a man and have oodles of babies with him. Which sounds like a nightmare, if you ask me.
I came to this realization when I thought about the fact that I never have to date a man ever again, and I felt nothing but relief.
I know I’ve got a long life of potential discrimination ahead of me. After all, I live in Texas, which isn’t exactly the most welcoming place for LGBTQ+ folks. Still, there are plenty of reasons why I’m grateful that I’ve realized I’m a lesbian.
No stereotypical gender roles in relationships
All my life, I’ve been bombarded with messages of what “the guy” and “the girl” should do in relationships. Back when I exclusively dated men, I molded myself to fit the role of “the girl,” but it never felt quite right. Sometimes I wanted to hold the door open for the other person, be the big spoon, or pay for dates. But I never felt the freedom to explore these options until I started dating women.
I’ve been in a relationship with a woman for almost a year now. Although she’s trans and therefore often seen as a “man” by others, she is the more feminine of the two of us. So, she often plays the role of “the girl” in our relationship. But there are other times when she takes on “the guy’s” role.
Overall, it just depends on what we’re comfortable doing. There’s no pressure to conform to what society expects our relationship to be like. In same-gender relationships, you get to make your own rules.
I don’t have to worry about potential dates being Trump supporters
Last year when I was meeting people on Tinder and going on dates, I hadn’t yet realized I didn’t like men. So, I would go out with men who seemed alright until I found out they were conservative. Or, even worse, had voted Trump into office.
Eventually, I had to mention in my profile to not bother swiping right on me if you supported Trump in any way.
The great thing about dating fellow queer women, though, was that I didn’t have to worry about this. No queer person in their right mind would have voted for Trump or Pence, who still believes in conversion therapy.
The majority of lesbians and bisexual women I’ve talked to on dating apps are leftist by nature. It definitely helps to sort of break the ice in terms of talking about politics when your very existence is often deemed “too political.”
We can check out hot women together
In high school, when I was under the impression that I was as straight as a crisp dollar bill, I remember feeling the ember of jealousy burn through me when I caught my boyfriend looking at another woman.
These days, I’m not as jealous as I used to be. If I were, that would be an issue, since my girlfriend and I are currently in a long-distance relationship. However, when we first met (while she was briefly in my city for job training), I would notice her checking out other people on occasion.
My first reaction was not to get jealous like I used to with ex-boyfriends. Instead, I would usually find myself checking out that person as well.
That’s another great aspect of same-gender relationships. If you’re both secure with your bond, you can check people out together or appreciate attractive celebrities instead of letting it drive a wedge between you.
I can share clothes with my partner
Sure, a woman can wear her boyfriend’s jacket when it gets cold, but it’s often too big on her. When two people of the same gender date, especially when they’re of similar sizes, they can exchange articles of clothing and wear them out and about.
My girlfriend and I both wear a large shirt size, so we have traded shirts before based on our moods. There’s just something absolutely adorable about seeing your partner wear your own clothing, even if it fits them perfectly.
My partner and I can use the same restroom
No longer do my dates have to awkwardly wait outside the bathroom for me (since I have the bladder of a squirrel, I always end up having to go more often than others). Instead, women can enter the bathroom with me and even talk to me in the neighboring stall as we take care of business. At first, it may be awkward, but after a while of dating people of the same gender, you get used to it.
Women understand consent so much better
Virtually every woman I’ve ever met has had an experience where a man didn’t respect her consent. For example, my high school boyfriend would always try to convince me to say yes after I’d firmly told him no.
Because women are more likely to know what it’s like to have their consent downplayed or even ignored, we have more respect for consent with each other.
Never has my girlfriend pressured me to do something I’m not comfortable with. If I become not okay with something she’s doing, she stops immediately and makes sure I’m okay before we move on to something else. She doesn’t get offended or claim that I’m giving her blue balls like most of my ex-boyfriends did. She actually respects my right to say no whenever I’m uncomfortable.
Women generally smell better
I don’t know whether it’s the lower testosterone levels, the fact that women usually sweat less, or the various scented products women use, but I’ve almost never been disappointed with the way a woman smells.
With ex-boyfriends, on the other hand, there were times I almost gagged entering their bedrooms. Dirty laundry lined the floors and the overwhelming stench of Axe body spray nearly made me sick.
I can’t tell if it’s because I’m biased because I’m gay, but I’m glad I don’t have to smell men up close and personal like that ever again.
You don’t have to adhere to patriarchal beauty standards
Heterosexual men generally have a narrow idea of what kind of women they consider attractive: the kind you see on magazine covers, the kind with millions of Instagram followers, the kind with a beauty that’s unattainable for most women.
Queer women, on the other hand, are typically attracted to more realistic-looking women. Plus-size women, trans women, hairy women. Women who don’t fit the societal ideal of what a woman “should” look like.
A few months ago, I decided to stop shaving my legs once and for all. My girlfriend is my first partner who has ever been okay with my having hairy legs; past boyfriends would refrain from having sex with me until I shaved.
But since queer women don’t usually follow cultural beauty norms, there’s not nearly as much pressure to conform. My girlfriend and I can go without shaving and not think of each other as gross for it. In fact, we admire each other’s bravery in forgoing what men think our bodies should look like.
The sex is undeniably better
Research shows that many women in heterosexual relationships often don’t reach orgasm during sex, while their partner does. Queer women, by contrast, are much more likely to achieve climax with each other.
I find this especially true if one or both women in the relationship have dated men before. They know what it’s like to have your needs ignored, and they don’t want their partner to suffer through the same thing.
Plus, if you have the same parts as your partner, chances are you’ll have at least a somewhat better idea of what they’ll like.
I haven’t included any benefits that are specifically about dating someone who also has a vagina, because that’s not always the lesbian experience. There are plenty of women out there who don’t have a vagina, but that doesn’t make them any less of a woman.
For example, my girlfriend is trans, and to most of the outside world, we look like a typical heterosexual couple. And for the most part, I don’t mind. I know that behind closed doors, we’re just as gay as can be.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
