Women Seeking Women: Bumble
So you’re looking for your woman and wade into the apps. Tinder is too intimidating because of its hookup culture vibes and you’re seeking something with as little drama as possible. Well here comes Bumble!
Once you install the app you can toggle between looking for love, looking for friends, and connecting in business. I’m going to focus on Bumble for love as a woman seeking other women to date, but I encourage you to give all three a go eventually because we’re in strange times and it doesn’t hurt to expand other types of relationships. You can change categories anytime so don’t worry about being locked into the friend zone but be mindful of which mode you’re on before you send that first message.
Speaking of messaging, Bumble was created with a rule that women message first. So our heterosexual counter-parts got first dibs when it came to starting conversations, however, we ladies who like ladies have free reign to start the chat at either end. I highly recommend taking initiative and initiating the chat with your match. There’s nothing wrong with hi, but unlike ‘no’ it is not a complete sentence. Here are some tips to fill the void with your new match:
You’re on the clock
When you match with your dream girl on bumble, a 24hr countdown timer begins. If you break the ice with a message, the clock resets and your crush gets 24hrs to send you a reply. If she does then time will become irrelevant and you can text each other your undying love. However, if time runs out, your match will expire, and you’ll be banished back into the swipe fest in search of your next girl. Moral of the story? don’t wait to craft the perfect opener just say something. Preferably something flirty. Which brings me to the next point…
Actually read their profile
Sure pictures are great and maybe you’ve stumbled on a few cute/hot ones. This girl seems like she’s adventurous and totally up your alley. You REALLY want to ask her out and plan your wedding. Slow down there, sister!
The best conversation starters are hidden in their pictures or their answers to questions, so have a browse through those and break the ice. If her favorite show is the office (very common), then start with that. If she likes Pineapple on Pizza (hint, nearly everyone does) then ask her where she gets the good stuff from. Whatever you do, don’t doubt yourself and you’ll be fine.
If you’re seeking a casual fling then by all means swipe away and get chatting. But if you’re seeking a long term relationship, stop to breathe and read her bio. Does she have a pet that’s the center of her world but one you’re allergic to? Does she mention Sunday Skydiving while you have a fear of heights? I’m not suggesting you judge them solely on their profile but if there is a very obvious deal-breaker written in one, don’t ignore it.
Video calls
Bumble is one of the few swipe-apps as of this writing that has a built-in video call feature. So if you matched with your crush, chatted a whole day or week, I recommend doing a video-call date…unless you’re brave enough for a socially-distanced date…
“But I like texting!” “I just want to text a bit more and see how things go”
Does this sound like you? well here’s the thing, if you’re looking for a friend then that’s what ‘Bumble friends’ is for. But if you’re looking for someone you can trust, let your guard down around and eventually be exclusive with, you need to engage differently with them than you would a friend. Video calls are great because you get a glimpse of how they react when they don’t have 24hrs to craft the perfect reply. You get to see if they’re excited to speak with you or if they’re bored and just trying to pass the time.
“But it’s the pandemic and I haven’t been to the salon in months. Video calling is just out of the question!”
Well, good thing the regular old phone call still exists. And yes, you can call within the app and without the video-feature enabled. It’s still good because you get all the auditory cues of whether or not your crush is into you without the pandemic shyness getting in the way.
Dates during a lockdown?
So you matched on Bumble, blazed through the chat, and survived video-chat with this person who seems like she’s your soulmate. But now you can’t go out because your city is in lockdown. Well, there are some creative ways to date safely right now.
Nothing beats watching your favorite film together. I recommend something comedic and light, but if you’re both hardcore horror fans don’t let me stop you. There are google Chrome extensions like Netflix party, but they’re text-based. If you want the true spirit of connection, call each other up to make sure you both hit play on your viewing timeline, and let the good times roll. You get to watch the movie and hear your crush’s laughter on the other end. If you have a crappy phone plan, WhatsApp, Discord, and Facebook messenger are your friends.
If you really want to brave the in-person encounter, socially distanced dates at the park are in. Getting tested before meeting up might ease your nerves but nothing beats a mask, distance, and lots of hand sanitizer if you’re gearing up for a light stroll.
Get your game on
You don’t always have to passively sit and consume something together. Sharing an activity or learning one together can tell you a lot about how your new date handles a challenge like teamwork. That’s why I recommend everyone plays Overcooked 2 with their date if you’re both sheltered in place for a while. So fire up the Xbox or PlayStation and get cooking! or if you have a decent computer create an account on Steam, get the game and play together online. The goal of this one is to work as a team to create multiple target dishes to advance to the next kitchen. If this isn’t a setup for life then I don’t know what is. I highly recommend it to fans of animal crossing but hey even Halo players like myself enjoyed it so don’t knock it till you try it.
Not a fan of video games? There are hundreds of web-based classic games like Chess, Pictionary (in the form of skribbl.io), and many others. So get gaming.
Don’t be shy, everyone is working through their pandemic blues right now but those seeking love are still out there. Bumble uses pre-made questions, answering them will give other girls something to work with, so don’t skip this step. There’s nothing hotter than a confident girl who’s upfront about her what she likes. Happy swiping!
