7 Things You Must Know To Survive MITS
Ahoy there! So, after a maelstrom of applications and submissions, you finally managed to get admitted to MITS Gwalior. I do suppose you’re looking forward to 4 years of equal merriment and gloom that is college; after all, these may be very well the best years of your life. But let me stop you right there. No seriously, stop. Whatever you’ve dreamed of, is brutally untrue. College is not the socially blooming, fresh place you expected where girls race past you on the back seats of bikes, the canteen serves French and Italian delights, nobody owns anything short of an Audi, everyone is dressed to outshine the best of Louis Vuitton models, and the whole college participates in a wildly extravagant dance number very week. At least not this one. Drab’s the word. The life of a MITSian is not that different from that of an ascetic performing penance and abstaining from any and all forms of gaiety for a historically inaccurate period of 4 years. Monotonous life is the cool here. So, just leave your aspirations and hopes at the door. Well, after all this bashing, you do deserve some kind of compensation. So here (and just here, nobody else endorses this — well I did ask them, but they shooed me away), I present the very Magna Carta of publications, 10 Things You Need To Know To Survive MITS. Peruse this document carefully. Keep this with you at all times for ready reference. In fact, print a copy and tape it to your chest (albeit upside down, or you won’t be able to read it). That way, you can at least appear to look apologetic while you read your way out of the muddle.
1.The canteen is notorious for its diarrhea-inducing delicacies, thirst for change and its all-important contribution to English.
Named the MITS Collage Canteen, it serves a wide range of gastrointestinal maladies. Change is essential, both in life and in the canteen, though in different aspects. And if you’re a first year hostel resident, you’re probably not allowed here. It’s a privilege in itself, believe me.
2. Classes are a bore, until you’re a note-taking drone who lives off of humidity.
In fact, it’s a legitimate crime to not sleep in class. You’ll have no idea what the professors teach anyway. Keep an empty notebook and a borrowed pen handy, just in case. Backbenchers share no glory here, the first bench students are their whole world. Oh you’re one of them? Suck it.
3. The library, as opposed to everywhere, is NOT the place of learning and silence.
Exceptionally well-targeted bashing maybe, but not studies. The staff is permanently pissed off (probably at their meagre salaries, but what can you say) and find unique and new ways every day to get on students’ nerves. Tip: Keep your IC handy, right in your hands. Go in, stare for an hour at misplaced book categories, finally find your right book below a pile of antique pageclusters (they’re NOT books), and then suffer 5 minutes of condescension. Voila! You’re free to hide away your book/s in your closet for 4 months.
4. There’s no alternative to Funday.
And by that, I don’t mean a literal weekly/monthly day of fun; I mean the set of rules and norms you’re supposed to follow if you’re a hostel inmate. Yeah, the Hindi funday. You’re liable to get shot (in el escroto, no less) if you don’t follow them. Plus, those trousers are really comfortable.
5. The servers are permanently down, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Whether you’re issuing a book from the library or trying to surf the internet, you’ll be unsuccessful AF. Apparently the college administration pays the webmasters to weed the gardens and check examination papers. Yeah, that’s why you’re getting a 6-something CGPA this semester.
6. There’s no word as SYLLABUS in the college dictionary, if there is one.
Asking the syllabus from professors is akin to asking someone for their eyes, you’re met with raised eyebrows and penetrating stares. The syllabus is a clandestine secret which is guarded piously by the department, and access is only allowed if you’re an 8-pointer. Nah, you won’t.
7. Mid-semester exams are duly announced a whole day before they are conducted.
And no, there’s nothing good about that statement. Since you’ve spent the whole month dozing off in class and trying to score with girls elsewhere, you’re essentially doomed (unless you did score with a girl and she’s goooood at studies, or drawing attention).
Long live MITS, long live Gwalior.
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Written by : Nikhil Kumar Upadhyaya