QUEST!ON
Published in

QUEST!ON

Why is monogamy harmful or what is the real dynamics of an intimate relationship between a man and a woman?

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

The dictate of the contemporary bigoted society idealizes a long-term monogamous intimate relationship. Thus, marriage is still perceived by many men and women as the hoped-for destination of their “love” life.

The problem is that monogamy is an artificial — and therefore not natural — social construct originating from Christianity and, on the contrary, leads to long-term discontent with the life of one or both partners in such a relationship.

That is, men are naturally polygamous while women are naturally hypergamous beings. Polygamy means enjoying more than one intimate relationship at the same time. Hypergamy is a tendency to keep looking around for a more suitable partner. In other words, hypergamy is a more cunning form of polygamy.

There’s nothing bad about this. Nature has created us this way. People are not — and they never have been — monogamous creatures. Let me repeat that one more time: monogamy is a human invention that has origins in Christianity in our culture.

Monogamy generally has 3 harmful effects:

1. It denies our natural instincts.

A man cannot be satisfied in a monogamous relationship because he needs to dispose of (at least) the feeling that he may freely initiate an intimate connection with another woman.

A woman will not be satisfied in a monogamous relationship until she finds a man who is able to satisfy her momentary desires — the question is, however, how long can a woman be satisfied in the given time period and how long does the focus of her momentary satisfaction changes.

2. It leads to cognitive dissonance.

Let me just cite Wikipedia here, with its brilliant definition: “Cognitive dissonance occurs when a person holds contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values, and is typically experienced as psychological stress when they participate in an action that goes against one or more of them.”

3. It causes a state of inner discontent.

If you think that condemning your natural instincts and cognitive dissonance are without an effect on your health, you’re fooling yourself again. The cost of repressing your true intimate feelings is an unpleasant and slow spiritual suicide next to a person who has become just another fat and distant friend of yours.

The paradox is that the biggest enemies of long-term living together (infidelity, jealousy, and stereotype) are caused by the very disrespecting of the natural dynamics of a given gender. That is if men admit they are polygamous and women admit they are hypergamous, the enemies (infidelity, jealousy, and stereotype) will vanish immediately. It is because they are all symptoms of an unnatural (monogamous) partnership.

Epilogue:

Sex, the most beautiful and the most intimate activity that we as humans may experience in our lives, is still demonized and the sex without/outside a relationship is viewed by many insanely as a sin. Let me remind you one more time: if we hold such a belief in our heads, it is only due to the heavy influence of our culture that has been under a heavy influence itself of a harmful, manipulative, and power-hungry ideology known as Christianity.

Until we keep believing nonsense like monogamy in our heads, we will be alike to the birds that were born and raised in cages. That is, it is said that the birds who spent their life in a cage think that flying is an illness.

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