QUEST!ON
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QUEST!ON

Why people dislike “cheating” on them?

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

A frequent answer to this question is that “cheating” on someone fundamentally harms trust in a partnership. And, indeed, trust really is crucial for a(ny) partnership.

However, when I omit the harmfulness of a traditional monogamous relationship, is it really about harming trust? That is if one truly trusted the other in a classic partnership between two people, (s)he should know that if the other had sex with another person, such an act cannot possibly harm the true love between them.

To be able to process this information, the average apes — sorry, I meant humans — had to stop watching Netflix daily and be at least a little interested in the spiritual side of their life.

The true reason why people dislike being “cheated” on is not a fundamental harm of trust, but a fundamental harm of our expectations that we project to the other person who we tend to idealize, own, and control. Or, if you will, it is a fundamental harm of our (corrupted) ego.

With this, the typical feelings of being “cheated” on are related: The feeling we are not good enough and fear of loss of our exclusivity (i.e. power over our partner). Let these feelings be the proof that many people use the monogamous relationship because they need the other person to feel they are enough and powerful. It is not because of true love. It is because of true selfishness.

Such a realization is not so popular for a comfortable and politically correct (wo)man of our times. Definitely not as popular as playing a victim role in front of their stupid acquaintances.

For the sake of useful additional information related to this topic, let me add that when a man is “unfaithful” to his female partner, it is generally because he is looking for a non-committal pleasure. Whereas when a woman is “unfaithful” to her male partner, it is generally because she is looking for a more suitable partner to her. That’s why women tend to demonize “cheating” more — they think that their partner is planning to leave them, as she would do in his place.

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