My Pursuit for Happiness from Happiness
What does it mean to be truly happy?
For the past few months, I have been reading and reflecting on LifeScale by Brian Solis as part of the governance course in Quest. This is a self-help book that provides a variety of strategies for overcoming digital distractions, improving focus and productivity, and encouraging healthy habits. It also reveals ways for discovering purpose, values, and goals that will propel readers to an overall happier lifestyle. Chapter 6, titled Reconsider, discusses the dichotomy between little “h” vs. big “H” happiness as well as how to prevent ourselves from getting trapped between the two. According to Solis, happiness is “the pursuit of pleasure,” (6, 106) while Happiness is “the practice of pursuing a life rich in purpose.” (6, 106). This chapter prompted me to reflect on my own happiness vs. Happiness.
On the surface, one might say I should be Happy. My family is healthy, I live in a beautiful home, I go to a prestigious school, I can travel around the world, and the list goes on. When you’re given such privilege throughout your life, it’s expected that you should be Happy. You should be grateful for the opportunities others do not have and you should be content with your life. However, I can’t help but wonder, am I truly Happy? Am I truly Happy with myself? With what I do?
I was hesitant to be open about this because every time I question my own Happiness, there’s a surge of guilt that overwhelms me. I am incredibly grateful for all I have and the people in my life. I am beyond grateful for my lifestyle and the privileges that come with it. I feel obligated to be Happy but I’m not because of seemingly insignificant issues such as the way I look, my talents, and my academic achievements. I can’t eliminate them because that would mean I’m ignoring my concerns. They’re like pinpricks that sting and when they persist long enough, I can only handle so much at once. It’s the tiny pinpricks and not the gaping wounds. These small things are real too, and simply ignoring them is invalidating my own concerns. My own unhappiness.
I was happy during Fall Break considering I didn’t have school, I attended two Halloween parties, I ate tons of chocolate, I got to read for hours, and I listened to music while doing nothing. Even though these activities made me happy, I don’t describe them as truly authentic because happiness doesn’t last. In other words, they don’t make me Happy. But, I realize that there are some things that make me Happy. Doing service, being hands-on, and making a direct impact on my community is rewarding on a level I can’t describe. I have done volunteer work for most of my life. I’ve been volunteering as a researcher for United Women Singapore for several years, I’ve partnered with Caring For Cambodia since I was 12 and I’ve been volunteering to help seniors at the Brahm Centre for my partnership in Quest. Two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to travel to Cambodia to visit its schools. I was able to donate tablets to help their ESL program and receive feedback from the teachers on what I can do to help their curriculum. These trips do not occur often, but being part of something that I care deeply about and creating meaningful impacts sparked newfound motivation and Happiness.
The satisfaction I feel when volunteering is completely different from how I feel getting an A+ on my AP Biology test because there are things we find are rewarding but may not necessarily make us Happy. Solis says, “We tend to think of happiness as a goal. But Happiness is not a destination. It’s a way of life.” (6, 111). I was apprehensive at first because, well, why should I take the word of a stranger or change my life according to some book? But as I continued to read and reflect, I found myself swayed by the arguments in the book. LifeScale helped me recognize that I am a goal-oriented person who perceives Happiness as a goal. I am constantly thinking about the tangible rewards that make me happy but I am starting to do more of what I love and implement habits in my daily life that make me Happy. In addition to volunteering, I try to get more sun and exercise by taking walks with my dog every morning, I express gratitude by writing a list down every time before I sleep, and I set aside time for myself to relax by shutting off my social media. These habits are powerful because I have been in a significantly better mood and they encourage me to persevere. Not only persevere to be consistent with these practices but also persevere to have a positive attitude.
Furthermore, reading LifeScale by Brian Solis made me realize that I am a self-aware person who is capable of reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses. But, I struggle with taking initiative because if it weren’t for this book and the activities that come after each chapter is assigned, I would not have implemented new habits in my life. I realized that I needed an extra push to take action and start DOING.
Now, I journal every day to put my thoughts on paper, and looking back at what I had written, it seems that what I thought made me Happy has, ironically, been my source of unhappiness. Through these journals, I now understand that my desperate need for academic validation has damaged my own confidence and increased my stress levels. The choice of present tense is appropriate because I still very much crave and need it and I know it will take time for me to work through this and approach it in a healthy manner. But I accept that now because I have learned that Happiness is a journey. Being in a competitive environment at school can be challenging, but, Solis stated that “Authentic happiness is the result of a mindset.” (6, 110). I strongly believe that if you are willing to take matters into your own hands, you can. Because after all, Happiness is within all of us.
