I’m dropping out of college.

This is why.

The following is the email I sent to my dean and advisors at Tufts.

Noah, Marisel, and Robert —

I met with Marisel about this on Wednesday, but I am now looping the rest of you in on the news.

I am dropping out of Tufts. I’d love to discuss why with each of you 1:1 in more depth in the New Year. (I will be in the Boston area through May.) For now, hopefully this email will suffice.

I submitted a request for a personal leave on SIS but wanted you three to hear from me personally. This way I can (1) provide a bit of background and context, (2) open a dialog for questions, and (3) express my gratitude for the support that has been provided along the way.

As you know, I withdrew in the middle of my fourth semester (Spring 2014) and went on medical leave. Depression had gotten the best of me. It wasn’t immediately clear at the time, but through therapy, passing time, and a great deal of personal reflection, I’ve come to discover that I was suffering from a crisis of identity.

I love learning, Computer Science, and Tufts University. However, I haven’t been able to perform as well as I’d hoped in the classroom. More importantly, while my grades on paper may have been subpar, my happiness levels were suffering the most. This is what really got to me. I could deal with not being the best student but I couldn’t stomach being so unhappy.

I’ve always been a passionate person. My passions and diverse interests are the lifeblood of my identity. They give me energy and drive. I could never have gotten this far without such strong and intrinsic driving forces.

I taught myself to code in middle school as an outlet for my passion and a way to chase my childhood dream of being an inventor. I loved building things, tinkering around, and being creative. Throughout my time at Tufts, I fell deeply in love with the theoretical side of Computer Science, and loved augmenting my programing skills with a more classical background in the field.

That said, I begun to notice that the light inside of me that had initially sparked my interests was going dim. I had once loved art, cuisine, fashion, travel, music, and entrepreneurship in the same way that I love computers. I took pride in the combination of these interests, and knew I wanted to pursue a life at their intersection.

It is now time for me to give my other interests a seat at the table too. I look forward to taking what I’ve learned in school with me as I move forward in life. I’m terrified, but also excited. I’m also genuinely happy and at ease for the first time in years. I forgot what life felt like without stress.

I’m leaving my options open: I am going on personal leave, not withdrawing completely. My intention, however, is not to come back. I need to fully embrace life without the expectation of returning to school in order to figure out what is right for me.

This was an emotional decision and was not made easily. I don’t regret the time I spent at Tufts, but have decided to follow my heart, chase happiness, and pursue another path.

I may be giving up before crossing the finish line, but not for one moment do I regret the time I spent on the journey. I’ve simply pulled an audible and am rerouting myself towards a different destination. A destination with much less certainty, but full of potential.

With bittersweet regards,
Spencer