How many times a day do you repeat the words “I have to”?

A question of obligation or choice

I HAVE TO PREPARE DINNER.

I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW.

I CAN’T BECAUSE I HAVE OTHER STUFF TO DO.

How many times a day do you repeat the words “I have to”? Is your life a big sum of “have tos”?

But is it true that “you really have to”? “Have to” indicates obligation. Are you obliged to do all that stuff throughout the day?

Let’s do an experiment! During one day you will exchange the expression “have to” for “want to”. Not only when you speak with other people but especially when you’re talking to yourself. While you are at it monitor your thoughts, and if you realise that you are thinking “I have to” correct yourself and reformulate the frase but this time with “I want to”.

“I want to prepare dinner” will be easy, but saying “I want to go to work tomorrow” can be very difficult to some people. Well that’s where the magic is!

It’s difficult for you to say “I want” because you think that you actually don’t (want to)? So think why are you doing things. Let’s continue this with the “go to work” example. Don’t forget to use the “want to”. I’ll help: “I want to go to work because I want to keep my job” good, let’s continue: “I want to have a job because I want to have a salary at the end of the month” next one: “I want to have money to pay my bills, go to the cinema, give the best to my children, go on vacation with my boyfriend, to help my grandma…” I think I’ve made my point. Now it’s easier to say “I want to”, right?

We can think those are just words and that’s only a matter of language, a form of expression. Well, I believe that the language we use can have a huge effect on the way we think and behave. If you are not convinced I challenge you to do a quick Google search on studies on that subject. But most of all I challenge you to try the “I want to” approach.

Changing the “have tos” for “want tos” can have surprising side effects. The best of all is, unfortunately, also the one that makes most people give up on the experiment. Having the power to rule over their own lives isn’t for everyone. At first it may seem inconvenient. When you realise that you are not doing things because you are forced to it’s much more difficult to blame others, the weather, the government, the situation you are in, etc., and that might seem annoying at first. But in fact it is empowering. To think that you do things because you want to, gives you strength and incentive to do them. But the most important is that, by doing this exercise, one realises which are the things one really DOESN’T wants to do. When you can’t find enough reasons to want to do something, it’s because you really don’t want to. And because there is a 99,99% chance that you don’t have a gun to your head… guess what? You don’t “have to” if you don’t “want to”!

Other side effects might be: to stop doing unwanted things you’ve been doing for a long time; to stop making excuses for yourself to do things you really want to do; to start looking for ways to get what you want instead of spending the days imagining how good it would be if you could do “x”; to stop putting pressure on yourself, and on those around you, with things that “have to” be done; to lose some wrinkles on your forehead; to see the world with new eyes; etc.

I would love to know what everyone who has decided to do the experiment has to say about it. Has anything changed? What? Any unintended “side effects” that are worth telling? I’m looking forward to reading your comments.