Turning bad into something good

Today I write this words in hopes of helping those who are going or went through some life challenges similar to mine. To inspire them and to give them power to turn their lives upside down if that’s what they need to be happier.

2011.

The worst year of my life. If you have been reading some of our previous articles you know by now how Nico and I lost our mom. You might know as well how close we were to her, in different ways, and how we kind of depended on her emotionally. Whoever has a deep relationship with their mother know that, despite the cut of the umbilical cord, we remain forever emotionally connected to them. So connected that many of their traumas can be passed onto us. Maybe they can even be the ones causing us traumas (without intending it, of course). In my reality, my mom had her flaws that could get in my nerves, but mostly she was to me the best mother she could be.

Her death was a mix of emotions. Sadness for losing someone that was still quite young that didn’t seem to get to enjoy her life to the fullest. Gratefulness for being able to have her in my life for 23 years. Relief for her not to be in pain anymore. Happiness for being able to move on with my life again after that terrifying year. What seemed to me the end of the world at some point in my life was the push that I needed to venture and do something I considered brave — move abroad. Today I recognize that running away to live in another country was not the bravest thing, in fact the brave action would have been staying there and face the tough life without my mother. It was more convenient to take the easy way out and pretend that my mom never died, never got sick, never existed. Starting a life in another country meant no one knew me, no one knew my story, no one knew to what family I belonged or what tragedy I had witnessed. Pretending that my mom never existed was just a way of protecting myself from sadness and a feeling of powerlessness. It didn’t really work though. She would visit me in my dreams very often. Or should I say nightmares? I would wake up totally confused and not knowing if she was alive of dead anymore.

With her living us, physically, I felt like it left an emptiness in my heart too. I know this can sound very dramatic but I have no other way of describing it. It was like something was missing.

2016.

When I quit being a victim of that sad story I finally moved on. Of course that story will always be mine but I started to look at it with another eyes. If my mother had never died, I would certainly not be the person I turned into. I would perhaps not have lived abroad for such long periods of time, or felt the need to know who I was and what my mission in this world is, or never felt the need to turn to spirituality and try to understand what life is all about.

I realized that I was the story that I chose to tell. Instead of looking at this story from a victim perspective that felt pity for herself, I chose to rewrite the story of a fortunate person who was freed in order to be a better self and mature. This freedom is more related to not depending on anyone emotionally anymore. Which story is the right one? I don’t know. I only know that I am still here living and my mother is not. I decided to be the happiest I can be for me and for her, because after all, isn’t that what parents want for their kids?

If my mother had not died back in 2011, I don’t know who I would be today. Maybe it would have taken me much longer to experience everything I got to live till this day.

2019.

My heart will never be the same after that feeling of emptiness (that I was describing above). So I felt the urge of finding out how I could fill it in with something else. I learned that it won’t be filled in with someone else’s love. People come and go from our lives, nothing is eternal. Which means that if I replaced that emptiness with someone else’s love, it would most certainly get empty again. Instead I found out that doing what I love and what I think is my life purpose — being good to myself and to others, help others, make their day a better day — fills in this space more and more everyday.

Have you ever turned something bad in your life into something good? Have you ever thought about it? Can you rewrite your story in order to be happier?