From Head to Heart

Letting go of what you know to really Feel something (but first, let me explain)

I had a dream last night. It didn’t make much sense. My mother kept telling me, “You have seven letters in your name, Kevin. You are going to have to move somewhere far from here.” I woke up bawling, uncontrollably, like never in my life.

Huh?

My name isn’t Kevin. And in no form does my name contain seven letters. (“Daniel” has six, I checked.) I still don’t know what that part is about. But when my mother said I need to move far away, I understood she was telling me that something was wrong with me. I needed to move away from where I am now. That didn’t mean geographically, it meant internally. I have been stuck in a state of being that hasn’t served me, and something needs to change.

Then, in my dream, I realized where I am. I’m in my head. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I even knew there was an alternative to being in my head. Since then I’ve had little flirtations with feeling my heart, but I’ve always snapped back to my default cerebral home.

I began arguing with her: “But I can feel…” And in the dream, I felt. And then it wasn’t a dream anymore. As my eyes opened, so did my heart. And I cried one of those heaving, full-body cries that hardly makes a sound. I cried until I could cry no more, until the snot threatened to block the airways. I cried for the heart that I’ve ignored and neglected for almost 29 years now.

I sleep in a tent in my backyard, so I get to hear the sounds of nature around me. And there was this bird above me making this unmistakable cooing “shhhhh” sound that I’ve never heard from a bird before. It did not feel like a “shut up”, but a soothing tone that reminded me that she and I and the trees and the stars are all here for me, for us. My cat curled up tightly against my leg. It felt like she was sobbing with me. Turns out she was just licking her foot. I pulled the case off the pillow and blew my nose into it.

I desperately wanted to stay there, to stay connected to the feeling. I missed my heart, and it missed me. But I knew that once again, I would lose that connection, and my own mind-control would in time take hold. I laid back down, feeling much lighter but fearing another empty morning.

I actually felt pretty good when I woke up a few hours later. The dream and the cry were still fresh, and they brought a sense of confidence that I could get back to that heart space if I was willing to practice it. That realization brought a question for the Universe:

How can I get out of my Head and into my Heart?

First, know that everything is okay and will be okay. Problems only exist when you imagine them. If you are anxious or fearful, ask yourself, “what is my problem, my worry, my lack?” Do not fear to ask the question directly. The answer may come quickly or slowly, but it will come through an experience or memory of an experience. Ask it and forget it, and the answer will arrive spontaneously.

When you wake up, it’s important to energize your heart and body. You have been sleeping for hours, and your mind has been sporadically active while your body lies still. You want to bring your mind, body, and heart into balance rather than favoring any one over the others. So get moving! Skip around the block, dance to a happy tune, go for a swim, ride your bike, or move however you love to move. Your mind may try to talk you out of it, because all it wants to do is sit and think all day. But thinking alone is not such a fun thing! Skipping around the block is way more fun.

Breathe deeply, and pay attention to how your breath feels. To the rise and fall of your chest, to the soft whistle of air entering your nostrils, to the feeling of release as you exhale. Release tension with every out breath. Feel how easily your body breathes, without any effort or command on your part. All of life may unfold just as effortlessly when you relax control. Imagine yourself relaxing more deeply with every slow, steady breath. Enjoy your breath! We’ve been breathing for eternity. Your breath is as much your home as just about anything.

As you relax your mind, notice how you can feel your body more than before. Feel the air surrounding your arm or leg, and how it catches your skin. Realize that your body is feeling these kind of sensations all the time, but they don’t alert our minds unless there is something we need to know, such as “That stick you are holding is on fire.” Of course, if you ask your arm how it’s feeling, it will dutifully report back. How does your arm feel when you give it your attention?

Now notice your chest again. If you pay close attention, you might be able to feel your heart beating. It beats for you and only you. It’s been continually pumping since before you were born, without asking for so much as a thought or a thank you. As you continue to practice relaxing your mind and letting go of worry, it will become easier to detect differences of feeling in the heart. Pay attention to anytime when your heart has a strong positive or negative reaction. Trust that instinct.

Then, with your playful mind, able body, and beating heart in balance, ask yourself, “What would I most like to do right now?” Consider doing a mind map with that question in the center and write down options as they present themselves. Once you have several, place your hand on your heart, take time to read each option, and notice which options bring a positive reaction. It may be very subtle at first, but trust yourself to detect the difference. With practice, the feelings get more noticeable.

Let your mind have its thoughts, but do not dwell on them. They are merely thoughts, they can be quite random, and they may extend infinitely in positive and negative directions. Following a train of thought can lead you astray. Let your heart be your guide. It feels truth. Truth is never proven intellectually, it is felt intuitively. The heart knows.

Love you, always and forever.