SELF-REFLECTION ON AGING AND MILESTONES
My Mom Being in Her 70s and My Younger Sister Turning 38 Today Has Me Looking Back
Middle age has really just begun for me and I’m rolling ahead to 40
So, I’ve been in my thoughts a lot lately. I’m not in the best physical state of health and I’ve been unable to work for nearly four years. Yesterday, I reflected on today being my sister’s birthday and not caring. I mean, I might have to walk that back a little bit. I care a little.
After all, she is my little sister and she just turned 38 years old. She’s the mother of four out of her five birthed children. Yeah, the system took one away from her early on when she was still in her heavy drug use phase of life. She has since graduated from college with at least a two-year college degree since then and has plans to start school at a four-year university this fall.
She’s turned her life around and I should be proud of her. I am a little proud of her but that’s a different story. Well, anyway, this reflection isn’t really about the broken relationship between her and me. She’s doing her own thing and I’m over 3000 miles away in Pennsylvania with my partner in our tiny home.
I just figured that a brief mention of her accomplishments, especially on her birthday, would be fitting for her even if I haven’t talked to her lately or wished her a happy birthday yet.
My mom, on the other hand, even though I talk to her about every two weeks, is in her 70s. She was born sometime between 1947 and 1951 on August 7th. That’s all I know about her. She always changed the story growing up. So, even at her youngest, my mom would be 71 this summer. That would put me at around 31–35 years younger than my mom.
Yep, now to the meat of why I’m really writing this today. I’m going to be 40 this year, in about six weeks to be exact. My birthday is the 1st day of August and I’m certainly not looking forward to turning in another decade. My 30s were a mixed bag. It started out with me coming out after I’d lost a ton of weight that I carried for most of my 20s.
It continued with me climbing the ladder in corporate America all while settling down with my first serious boyfriend ever. Of course, I’m referring to my partner who I’m still currently with. Then there was the decline of my health and the inability to keep up with our rental and forcing us into a tough situation that we had to overcome over and over again.
Coming down the stretch at the end of my 30s as time marches on, I’m faced with weight gain and the reality now of having to look back on such a momentous and adventurous decade of life. So, yeah, mentioning the age of my other family members and being reminded of my own aging was more for putting my own life into perspective than to celebrate any of their accomplishments.
I’m honestly deeply afraid of what’s to come for my 40s. I think that I can be honest with myself and even though I want to be optimistic and energized going into the next decade, there is still a lot of uncertainty and doubt facing my life going into my 40s.
I’m happy I found a writing community and an editing family on Medium. This is actually one of the positive things I have to carry with me as I barrel towards the next milestone in life. While I am scared, I’m confident I can find a way to get us into a place where we can start feeling good about the direction of my life again.
Maybe this fear and doubt are normal as I’m turning 40. I should just let it pass and overcome all of the anxiety and depression that may come along with it. The future isn’t guaranteed for anyone and I’m thankful that I will likely make it to celebrate 40 this summer.
