How Can I be Positive in Life and Attitude
I’m going to take the liberty of equating the emotion of happiness to a positive attitude. This has been somewhat of a lifelong quest of mine.
Some say the pursuit of happiness is misguided.
Take Oliver Burkeman’s book, The Antidote, Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking:
Oliver Burkeman introduces us to an unusual group of people who share a single, surprising way of thinking about life. Whether experimental psychologists, terrorism experts, Buddhists, hardheaded business consultants, Greek philosophers, or modern-day gurus, they argue that in our personal lives, and in society at large, it’s our constant effort to be happy that is making us miserable.
Burkeman is the exception. Most books on this topic are focused on how to find happiness by revealing their secret technique or the results of a new study.
One example is Shawn Achor’s The Happiness Advantage where he lays out various steps to achieve happiness, backed-up by years of research.
He also has a great Ted video.
I manage my happiness (positivity) by journaling each day and reflecting on what seems to affect my mood in both positive and negative ways.
Daily journaling increasing my self-awareness and boost my executive control, or what I call my witnessing mind.
I can choose to look at the things in my life as negative or I can make a different choice.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of a negative choice.
But, if you stay aware and exert a little willpower, you can make a different choice.
When a negative thought comes into my mind, this triggers my awareness to kick into action and replace it with a positive thought.
Many therapists that recommend this type of routine. It falls into the category of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Distortions.
The book, Feeling Good by David Burn’s book was one of the earliest and best in this area. Cognitive Distortions are well documented. Here’s a good article with a list.
Cognitive Distortions by the Positive Psychology Program
If you let your emotions hijack your brain, you may not be aware of what’s happening. But, if you familiarize yourself with the distortions and stay aware, it gets easier.
Example of Negative Self Talk
I saw an old friend at the grocery store and they barely acknowledged me. I start thinking that there’s something wrong with me. I must have done something to alienate them. Maybe I’m just not a likable person. Why would anyone want to be my friend?
You see how this gets carried away.
When you detect this pattern of thinking, replace it with something like the following.
Example of Self Talk
I wonder why Joe wasn’t as friendly as usual. Maybe he was in a hurry or distracted. I hope there’s nothing wrong with him. Before I start jumping to conclusions, I’m going to call him later in the day and say, “It was good to see you at the store, how have you been doing.
Other than something truly disastrous, you can take any situation and find a positive spin.
Happiness is a choice.
It requires diligence and practice.
If you do it long enough — it can actually change your neural connections and you create a new default response to adversity.
Ed
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