What if You Don’t Believe in Affirmations?
Will They Still Work?
The Question:
How are positive affirmations supposed to raise your self-esteem when you don’t believe them?
Whenever I recommend affirmations to anyone I add the qualification:
“If you don’t believe in the possibility of affirmations, it’s not going to work.”
Try visualizations. This is a process where you close your eyes and imagine yourself behaving in a different way (a more desirable way) than your current behavior.
Do this a few times a day and make the images as vivid as possible — taking into account all the details of the scene and using all 5 senses.
I’m a big advocate of visualizations.
But, if you’re the type that prefers action, I have another idea.
Instead of trying to create change from the inside — out, try making the change from the outside — in.
A damaged self-image may originate from judging your behavior in certain situations. So, let’s work on the behavior directly.
You probably know these situations.
Compare your current behavior to your idealized behavior.
Next, decide to take a small step in that direction, not a huge step, just a tiny one. A step that you know that may be uncomfortable, but you can do it.
Then, go out and do it.
Later, review the results and how you felt at the time and how you feel now.
Then, decide to do it again. Perhaps, taking a slightly larger step if you can.
Keeping a journal of your progress will be helpful.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you want to be more outgoing at parties. Your typical behavior is to not even go to the party. Or, if you have no choice, you avoid talking to anyone. Your desired behavior is to engage in a lively conversation with someone you find attractive.
At the next opportunity, instead of declining the invitation to the party, accept it.
Next, chose a person to approach. Since we’re starting with small steps, don’t choose anyone you find attractive — just find someone that looks friendly and approachable.
Walk up and start the conversation, telling yourself that you’ll do it for 2 minutes.
If you get lucky, the person will be receptive and you’ll have a great conversation.
If not, then try a 2nd person and a 3rd.
You can do anything for 2 minutes — right?
After the party is over, reflect on each encounter and see if you have any lessons learned.
If you’re not being invited to any parties, go to some sort of networking event. If you really want to make this change, you’ll find an opportunity.
Don’t make excuses.
Once you get comfortable with your current level of engaging strangers, raise the bar and start approaching the people you really want to meet.
In this approach, you’re not waiting for an inner change (self-esteem) before you take actions, you’re taking the action and the self-esteem will be impacted as a result.
Ed
