I Miss Sports, So I’m Writing Movie Reviews To Ease My Soul: “Hitch” (2005)
This is my first movie review in almost two months. In those two months, the world has changed, and not just because of an international pandemic.
So first things first. Black Lives Matter. I’d be remiss if I began this post without stating the obvious. Let’s get better at how we talk to and about each other. And let’s do what we can to provide justice for people of color who have experienced loss and oppression that most of us can only dream of.
It’s hard to believe we’re about to enter the fifth month of the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States. I made it a goal of mine, way back in March, to watch more movies during the pandemic. And last Saturday, as a round of thunderstorms battered the Greater New York City area, I cozied up to the 2005 Will Smith classic, “Hitch.”
Let’s get right into it. Smith plays the role of Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, a suave, sophisticated man who is out to ensure his profession remains a secret. Hitch tells everyone he’s a “consultant,” but you won’t know what type of consulting he does just by looking in the Yellow Pages. You’d have to talk to one of his many satisfied — and male — clients.
You see, Hitch makes a living by taking even the most hopeless of men and arming them with the skills and swagger needed to sweep any woman off her feet (for a healthy fee, of course). But don’t make the mistake of labeling Hitch as a misogynistic Lothario. He’s out to help the good guys…with only the best of intentions. We’re talking long-term relationships here, folks, not a listless one-night stand.
And that’s where Albert Brennaman (Kevin James) comes in. He seeks the heart of Allegra Cole (Amber Valletta), a beautiful, celebrity client at his high-end investment firm, but he won’t be able to pull off the underdog story without Hitch by his side. Throughout the movie, Hitch aims to provide Albert with the confidence and know-how to navigate the messy pre-relationship stage, all while vying for the affection of a vivacious Manhattan tabloid gossip columnist (Eva Mendes) who, unbeknownst to Hitch, is out to reveal the identity of the “date doctor” behind Albert and Allegra’s most unlikely pairing. This carefully intertwined plot provides plenty of laughs — as well as bumps and bruises — along the way.
In a lot of ways, Hitch aligns with the film-making ways of its time. You’ll know you’re in the mid-2000s pretty quickly. There are some corny jokes, you’ll hear plenty of Usher and Kelly Rowland, and you’ll see enough flip phones to make you want to go down to your local Verizon store and ask the guy behind the counter if there are any Motorola Razrs left in stock (think “White Chicks,” “Wedding Crashers,” “13 Going on 30”, etc.). These movies were all box-office successes, and they weren’t necessarily intended to be heavily scrutinized or garner the critical acclaim you might see from an indie flick. But “Hitch” seems to dig just a little deeper. I appreciated the fact that Will Smith, despite his ever-elevated status as one of Hollywood’s most visible stars, isn’t really the main focus of this film. The viewer is really rooting for Albert, and it just might be Kevin James’ quirkiness that endears him to his desired mate, rather than the “skills” he learned from Hitch himself. In the most wholesome of terms, “Hitch” might just be teaching us not to hide our imperfections and quirks, but rather embrace them, as they make us who we are.
Rating: 3 stars out of 4
