The self(Identity)
No one is taken for what he is, but for what others make of him — Arthur Schopenhauer
Theme
“Who I am” has always eluded me for as far as I can remember. Why does one like this and other that, do this or the other. While the ingredients that make up the self or individuality are numerous, it mostly appears that one's first encounter with the self is with preferences. “Pass me this, no thanks, that is enough, would you like this?” all make up some of if not all ingredients of individuality in other words the self. Or through an encounter with another who may be of the same or different makeup. Does one realise who they are based on how they differ from others, if so what unique property inclines one to certain preferences or creates artificial differences to stand out, are we involuntarily paying homage to the looking glass self . “I am not who I think I am, I am not who you think I am, I am who I think you think I am”.
Otherwise, we may as well all be storytellers, shaping ourselves to fit the matrix of which society is made. While this may impel one to look for the mastermind pulling on the marionettes, disappointment lucks in the corner, for one realises that the matrix has hardly any mastermind without but only within. As one participates in the matrix, one is consequently being controlled while he controls as well.
How does one then claim to know the self or have their own individuality if one is only a mosaic of options which have been presented through their life, obeying, cherry-picking ones that would fit the narrative, omitting and altering those which are hard to hide. “Stand in line, walk like this, wrong way, you have it wrong” are words one is too familiar with. While they are most predominant while one is young, most would be deluded to believe that adulthood brings an end to it. For the desire to conform may have been involuntary while young, one decides to follow in line absurdly when his faculties of reason are mature enough. At what point does one receive the baton of designing their individuality, should we assume every individual has a universal clock for when they fully take over, one needn’t look around to realise how false this is.
For if the decision to follow inline is by one’s own will, where does that leave the self, or is the self-manifested in the making of these choices through one’s journey. For many have for the most part outsourced their reason to absurdly not the best
While phrases like “I know who I am, I like, I dislike, I was designed this way” may fool one to believe the self is as a dead clock, it is more elusive than not. For its very nature eludes the consciousness of its inhabitant, making one into believing that one’s being while all along one has been becoming. Never the same while appearing still at the same time.
For is the very nature of the self to always evolve rather into what is it, evolving into. As it appears the self evolves by one’s own amount of desire “I think therefore I am” the cause of which one might eventually claim “I am here”.
As humans, the desire to assert or restate who we are has never been in short supply, for some do it in more subtle ways than not, by how they walk, talk or choose to dress while others are a lot more explicit and may go as far as making it a career. What musicians, scientists, painters, and architects all have in common is one thing, to say as a child “Look what I made, it’s great right” while all along what they really wanted to assert was their identity and circumvent the constant invisibility that is subtle but always present.
Others may find the confide of the group a better reflection and comprehension of the self. Perhaps for security if it were the medieval ages but that is not the case, one chooses the group/tribe because of their abundant supply of understanding and compassion. For men will die to have a hundred if not thousands of followers without ever realising their need for understanding, for one believes, with it, the self is more real, not in the head if not more tangible than if no one saw and heard them as the planets revolve around the sun so he/she does, reaffirming his center of gravity. It's for this reason that men might fight any or all who detest or disregard their intellectual prowess
With these in mind, the self seems to push itself to evolve just for the sake of representing itself as a director might set up the actor for different scenes of the play, each time refining the script, adjusting the light to fit the mood and setting the right score. The self it seems is if not only a work of art which itself is the artist as one who makes up on stage for the next scene as the play is happening, in other words, the hand that is drawing the hand as one might say. Pity to say the least is what one can feel for the youth having to navigate all these options availed explicitly but mostly in subtle ways. Many a teenager(youth) struggles with this cognitive dissonance for a great portion of his/her life, chipping in pieces of other “selfs” to see what fits with great desperation. While we might say they are going through a phase(mostly annotating mode swings and rebellion), the best “youth graduation” message we could say is “welcome cog to the machine”
I want you to think about the mail for a minute. Stop taking it for granted like some complacent, sleepwalking sheep and really think about it. I promise you, you will find the U.S. mail a worthy object of your contemplation. A piece of paper can cross a continent like we’re passing notes in class. I can send you cookies from the opposite side of the world, and all I have to do is write your name on the box, put some stamps on it, and drop it in. And you see, it only works because every single person along the chain acts like a mindless automaton. I write an address, and they just… obey. No question. No deviation. No pause to contemplate eternity… Or beauty… Or death. Even you, for all your protestations of free will, if a box comes with your name on it, you can’t even imagine doing anything other… Than obey. Well, it’s not your fault. Society made you this way. But you’re a sheep, and you’re living in a world of sheep. And because you’re all sheep… — Manhunt
Nothing like this quote underpins the oblivion of our minds to the banal and commonplace things. Not only does the author have to beg for your attention, rather literally striving to capture it but also impels you to stay attentive. This not only highlights the default state of mind most but also the knowledge of its presence being scarce. One is then forced to contemplate the simple actions we take for granted and clearly conveys the absurdity of human automatic action like this very keyboard which only echoes the key that is hit, only less accurately. The self appears to form in total oblivion of its inhabitant and the only escape is shut by the constant preaching of “stay in line, obey my command”. As a corollary, William Deresiewicz’s speech vindicates even more strongly the need for an independent mind and self
Why is it so often that the best people are stuck in the middle and the people who are running things — the leaders — are the mediocrities? Because excellence isn’t usually what gets you up the greasy pole. What gets you up is a talent for maneuvering. Kissing up to the people above you, kicking down to the people below you. Pleasing your teachers, pleasing your superiors, picking a powerful mentor and riding his coattails until it’s time to stab him in the back. Jumping through hoops. Getting along by going along. Being whatever other people want you to be, so that it finally comes to seem that, like the manager of the Central Station, you have nothing inside you at all. Not taking stupid risks like trying to change how things are done or question why they’re done. Just keeping the routine going.
I tell you this to forewarn you, because I promise you that you will meet these people and you will find yourself in environments where what is rewarded above all is conformity.
— William Deresiewicz(Solitude and Leadership)
As it appears, this seems to echo a similar if not exact message of questioning, thinking for one’s self, and rebellion. Crystal perfect examples aren’t necessary to impel one to follow. Throughout history, these have existed rebelling against the system encore et encore Nina Simone, Daudi Chwa, Miles Davis, Steve Jobs(the very examples may contradict many sections of the article however, it’s no more important than the point of rebellion it conveys)
While society as a whole seems to benefit from this subversion and has seen tremendous economic growth, one can not but ask if all this is a ploy by a handful. Most appear to have free will and freedom which are definitely in short supply, conversely for those who try the life of a hippie, life can be difficult if not impossible. As it appears, the economic(and or other) pressure permits few if any to become explorers of their identity. However, to the extent, this hampers the formation of the “true self” one should ponder
Black mirror
If one is born into a world where each individual knows not the existence of another, locked up in a room they grow until their faculties of reason are ready. How would they identify, as self-sufficient beings who know who they are, as those who make their decisions without interference? If then they met for the first time, would they know themselves or ask the other “who am I”
Resolve
Not exactly in this order, however, the first step in taking charge of the self is using the eyes of our mind to see all the biases and options availed to us. Scrutiny of some or everything and not succumbing to hedonic adaptation might be second and lastly, as an artist painting the picture of our “self”, we should stay fully awake and methodical in its creation.
