How to Have a Sex Life When You Have Kids

Becoming a parent doesn’t have to extinguish the flame

Rachael Hope
Rachael Writes
Published in
7 min readMay 20, 2019

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Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

I was lucky enough never to have had the misfortune to walk in on my parents during sex. I do have one specific memory of a time when I was about 16 and realized that my parents had just done the deed. As kids, thinking about our parents getting it on was enough to make us run wide-eyed from the room. Now that I’m the parent, I realize how much having children can complicate having an active sex life.

My kids are 9 and 13, so there’s no more nookie when the kids are napping. Having a fulfilling sex life when you’ve got a family to manage is challenging. With one or both parents often exhausted at day’s end, it’s common to let too much time slip by without finding moments to really connect. Over the years I’ve picked up some tricks that make having an active sex life a little bit easier.

Get a lock.

Having sex with kids in the house and no lock means a part of your brain is ALWAYS listening and anticipating the opening of your bedroom door. It’s hard to lose yourself in a moment when you’re using brainpower to fear the end of the moment. Installing a new doorknob is insanely easy, and probably the best step you can take in rebuilding your sex life once your kids are big enough to open doors.

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Rachael Hope
Rachael Writes

Polyamorous, loud laughing unapologetic feminist, rad fatty, and epic sweet tooth.