Women — Stop Taking the Man’s Name When You Get Married
As soon as some man is willing to marry her, the woman is supposed to mark herself as that man’s property by taking his name
By David Grace (Amazon Page — David Grace Website)
Men’s Historical Domination Of Women
Yes, this “give up your name when I marry you” rule is one of the lesser demeaning cultural traditions that men have imposed on women, but that doesn’t make it a good idea.
A Little Male/Female History
The Dowry
For most of history, and still in some cultures, the woman’s family had to pay the man to take her off their hands, that is, the woman’s family had to pay the man’s family a “dowry” in order for him to agree to marry her.
And if she turned out not to be the wife the guy thought he was getting — she talked back, didn’t work hard enough, the sex wasn’t great, she didn’t give him a male child, etc. — the husband had the right to demand the dowry back, and if her family wouldn’t hand it over and accept her return like some Amazon package that wasn’t as much fun as he thought it would be, he was allowed to kill her.
Yes, in theory, murdering an underperforming wife is now technically illegal, but there are parts of India where the practice is still culturally acceptable.
That says a lot about the historical attitude of men toward women.
Do I even need to talk about the traditional Muslim rules for women?
No Right To Own Land, Vote Or Work
For most of USA history, where all men were supposedly created equal [what a crock of hypocrisy!], women weren’t allowed to own land, own a company, be a doctor or a lawyer, or vote.
Of course, their second class status wasn’t as bad as black people’s third-class status where a black person was only 60% of a human being and could be murdered out of hand by white people, but it was pretty bad.
Taking The Man’s Name Is Another Sexist Tradition
Sure, today Americans think they’re so advanced because we don’t have dowries, women can be doctors and own land and vote, etc. but we still have this sexist custom that as soon as some man is willing to marry her, the woman is supposed to mark herself as that man’s property by abandoning her family name and heritage and from that date forward be legally identified only by his name.
Only The Man’s Heritage Counts
Right now, only the man’s last name traces a family’s history as if it’s only the male’s family line that counts: John D. Rockefeller had a son named John D. Rockefeller Jr. who had a son named John D. Rockefeller III who had a son named John D. Rockefeller IV, etc.
The family names of the wives of each of those four John D. Rockefellers disappeared the instant each of them said “I do.” The men counted. They women didn’t.
Take My Name So That People Know You Belong To Me
Women are expected, culturally coerced, into giving up their family name as part of the non-dowry price they’re expected to pay to get some man to marry her.
What this custom is actually saying is:
“Now that you’re going to be my wife, my possession, you need to take my name so that people will know that you now belong to me.”
Why Are Women Good With That?
How did women get to be all right with that? Why are so many women still all right with that?
Most Men Wouldn’t Go For That
Reality check: Guys, how many of you would be willing to give up your name and start calling yourself whatever last name your girlfriend had as the price for her being willing to marry you?
How many guys would be willing to go from being “Jason Harris” to “Jason Deitweiller” if that was part of the price for getting Debbie Deitweiller to say “Yes”?
I’ll leave it to your imagination what percentage of men would be good with that.
Cut It Out
Well, I want to suggest a new cultural tradition:
Women, stop taking the man’s name when you get married.
I’m not joking. I mean it.
How It Would Work
Here’s how I think it would work.
Bill Johnson and Sally Miller decide to get married. After the marriage his name is still Bill Johnson, and her name is still Sally Miller. They have two children, Elaine and George, whose full names are Elaine Miller and George Johnson.
Yes, you got it. The male children take the father’s last name, and the female children take the mother’s last name. The male children preserve and extend the father’s family heritage, and the female children preserve and extend the mother’s family heritage.
That way the family names, traditions and history of the woman’s ancestry remain as intact as those of the man’s.
So, I propose that women stop abandoning their family name in favor of their husband’s family name and that each parent’s family name survives through their male and female children.
When the baby is born, the birth certificate for a male child lists his father’s last name as the baby’s last name and the birth certificate for a female child lists her mother’s last name as the baby’s last name.
What’s so hard about that?
— David Grace (Amazon Page — David Grace Website)
